Bayside citizens need to consider rising local taxes if they want to see improvements in the Bayside school District. Test scores, graduation and college admission rate, and a number of other indicators have long made it clear that the Bayside School District is doing a poor job educating our youth. Our schools look run down. Windows are broken, bathrooms unusable, and classroom equipment hopelessly out of date. Yet just across the Bay, in New Harbor school facilities are up-to-date and in good condition. The difference is money; New Harbor spends twenty-seven percent more per student than Bayside does, and test scores and other indicators of student performance are stronger in New Harbor as well
It is mentioned that that Bayside school don't succeed in educating students and the test scores and other indicators show the essence of raising local taxes in order to spend more money for repairing and updating the school’s equipment. Based on comparison this school and the better scores of New Harbor’s students it is asserted just by spending more money the Bayside can achieve the same results as well.
The author claims that because of spending much more money New Harbor's students have stronger performance and their scores are higher than Bayside's students. The process of increasing the scientific performance in a school is a complicated process and it includes many aspects. It is clear that money can't guarantee the better performance of students because if it was true the students of lux schools should be better always but it is completely reverse and students in slum dog areas have better scores often if they could attend school. Hence Bayside’s authorities just by spending money can't ascertain to achieve the better function of their students.
On the other hand, maybe people in New Harbor's area be more intelligent or more industrious so certainly their students have a better efficiency on their scientific activities. In fact, many factors are involved in being intelligence such as genetic related factors and even the common life style in a specific area. So it is not logical to say the success of students in New Harbor’s school just is associated by the more amount of money that is spent there.
If the manager of Bayside school really wants to improve the efficiency of students it is essential first to identify the reasons of the disappointing scores of students. After that they can make effort to solve problems and provide the requirements to see their ideal performance of their students. Without doing a comprehensive investigation it is impossible to find and solve problems so they can’t see any improvement in their scientific achievements.
The author provides a certain assertion that the only difference between these two schools are money and then promise this to conclude the raising local taxes is necessary. It is obviously wrong and they should research to identify the real reasons and then try to solve all problems. In contrasting the common believe the money can’t solve all problems.
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maybe people in New Harbor's area be more intelligent
maybe people in New Harbor's area are more intelligent
flaws:
The correct structure should be like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion
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http://www.testbig.com/essays-list?keys=Bayside+&term_node_tid_depth=3
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 387 350
No. of Characters: 1942 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.435 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.018 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.703 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.408 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.369 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.623 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5