The following appeared in the editorial section of a health and fitness magazine.
"In a study of the effects of exercise on longevity, medical researchers tracked 500 middle-aged men over a 20-year period. The subjects represented a variety of occupations in several different parts of the country and responded to an annual survey in which they were asked: How often and how strenuously do you exercise? Of those who responded, the men who reported that they engaged in vigorous outdoor exercise nearly every day lived longer than the men who reported that they exercised mildly only once or twice a week. Given the clear link that this study establishes between longevity and exercise, doctors should not recommend moderate exercise to their patients but should instead encourage vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis."
The argument focuses on the effects of exercising on life longevity and concludes its point on the basis of the answers of a survey taken by 500 middle aged men for over 20-year time period. According to the survey held, men exercising vigorously tend to live longer than the men who exercise once or twice a week. In my opinion, the survey somehow helps to relate exercise with life longevity, still lacks various proofs for supporting the conclusion.
In the beginning, the writer introduces a survey held among 500 middle-aged men for over 20 years, but fails to explain on what basis did the medical researchers chose these 500 men. If anyone among them had major or minor health issues, and does not mention anything about their living environment if it was a clean developed city or were living in bucolic places. Proper justification about the survey takers is missing. Continuing further, the writer talks about just one question asked among the men, about their exercising routine. There were no other questions mentioned for example, no mention of their diet, or consumption of dairy items, or if they were indulged in smoking or drinking. The writer fails to give a proper scenario of the survey and its participants.
Further in the argument, the writer directly concludes his or her point on the basis of a single question survey. This shows the lack of seriousness of the researches, because a single survey cannot establish a link between such issues. Proper study, justification and timed experiments are needed for a proper conclusion. There might be a possibility that the men who were surveyed, didn't gave the right answers and took the questions lightly. Or maybe some lied in their answers. Moreover, it was an annual survey, so people might have exercised vigorously for a time period and that is what they might have answered, as the question doesn't ask about the time period for exercising. There can be many other factors where people might wish to exercise vigorously outside, but couldn't because of climatic conditions or any other issue, and might have answered what they have wished about.
However, if the survey was also quite accurate, the conclusion statement twists the end results. As it clearly references that people exercising mildly had a short life span as compared to the vigorous one, and does not mention a word about the moderate exercising routines. There might be people who are exercising moderately, but the survey only had two options for it's answers, the vigorous one and the mild. And because of that they might have chosen the vigorous or the mild one. The whole survey point questions the work of the researchers and the writer.
Concluding my opinion, the writer fails to prove his point as no details about the moderate exercising people is given, and rather the conclusion is based on the results of an undermined survey. Moreover, there is no mention of the writer in the statement, whether it was the researcher himself, or some reporter or a junior working under someone. The argument fails to prove it's point questioning it's own experiments.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 525 350
No. of Characters: 2525 1500
No. of Different Words: 235 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.787 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.81 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.529 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.833 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.305 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.493 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 163, Rule ID: DID_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean 'choose'?
Suggestion: choose
... what basis did the medical researchers chose these 500 men. If anyone among them had...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Further,
... the survey and its participants. Further in the argument, the writer directly co...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 385, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...ibility that the men who were surveyed, didnt gave the right answers and took the que...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 637, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ey might have answered, as the question doesnt ask about the time period for exercisin...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 778, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
...ish to exercise vigorously outside, but couldnt because of climatic conditions or any o...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 890, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e answered what they have wished about. However, if the survey was also quite ac...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, moreover, so, still, for example, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 27.0 11.1786427146 242% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2600.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 522.0 441.139720559 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98084291188 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77988695657 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62166973227 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 247.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.473180076628 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 806.4 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 12.0 1.67365269461 717% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.1340993834 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.333333333 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.75 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.16666666667 5.70786347227 55% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.127383831959 0.218282227539 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0385936872249 0.0743258471296 52% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0635949547306 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.084122653952 0.128457276422 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0688156883773 0.0628817314937 109% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 112.0 98.500998004 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.