In the opinion column the author concludes that to take advantage of the trends observed of the high purchase of middle-aged consumer in the department stores and product the stores should replace some of the products intended to attract young customers to the products that will attract middle-aged customer. The author has come to such a conclusion based on the evidence that younger consumer average expenditure is seen to be comparatively less than the middle-aged consumers. While the conclusion drawn by the author might ultimately prove valid, it rests on several unfounded assumptions that, if not substantiated, dramatically weaken the persuasiveness of the argument.
First of all, the author assumes that the trend of higher purchase among middle-aged consumer will continue in future. Perhaps the reason for higher purchase is because of discounts and offers on the products of the store or it is possible that there is a temporary boost in the economy and hence the employed which are generally the middle-aged individuals are able to purchase store products and services. There is a possibility that the economy may reduce in the future and purchasing power of middle-aged consumer may get reduced as well. If the above scenarios hold merit then the author' conclusion about replacing the younger consumer products does not hold water.
Second of all, the author presumes that the number of middle-aged people will increase in the coming years. It is possible that the younger people may increase in the future because of globalization and the reciting of international people near the stores. There is a possibility that we may observe increasing number of heart attacks and medical emergencies within the middle aged consumers and hence their population may get dramatically reduce. If the above case is true then the argument is rife with holes and the author's claim is significantly weakened.
Lastly, the author supposes that the choice of products among consumers is constant. Perhaps the preferences among both the younger and older consumer change frequently. There is possibility that a product that is once popular among younger consumers is now popular among middle-aged consumer and there is no means to estimate which goods and services will attract consumer of a certain age. If the above situation is true it weakens the author's claim that stores should replace some of the young consumer products with products that will attract middle-aged consumer. Thus the author needs to clarify the assumptions with strong evidences to ultimately bolster the argument.
Although the author might not be evaluating the given situation of replacement of products according to middle-aged consumer in its entirety, the conclusion and information associated with it cannot be written off either. There is no smoke without fire and the author must have had compelling reasons to make such a strong conclusion, however, since the reasons have not been listed here, the argument as it stands cannot be said holistically. More evidence is needed to make the given argument stronger.
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e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 493 350
No. of Characters: 2569 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.712 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.211 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.807 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 153 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 115 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.947 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.024 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.565 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In the opinion column the author conclud...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 221, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...s and product the stores should replace some of the products intended to attract young cust...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...en the persuasiveness of the argument. First of all, the author assumes that th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 131, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...mong middle-aged consumer will continue in future. Perhaps the reason for higher purchase...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 180, Rule ID: REASON_IS_BECAUSE[1]
Message: Probably an incorrect phrase. Use 'the reason 'is that''.
Suggestion: is that
... Perhaps the reason for higher purchase is because of discounts and offers on the products...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 565, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...-aged consumer may get reduced as well. If the above scenarios hold merit then the...
^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...consumer products does not hold water. Second of all, the author presumes that ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...thors claim is significantly weakened. Lastly, the author supposes that the cho...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 413, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...will attract consumer of a certain age. If the above situation is true it weakens ...
^^
Line 4, column 500, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...uthors claim that stores should replace some of the young consumer products with products t...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 590, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...that will attract middle-aged consumer. Thus the author needs to clarify the assumpt...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...es to ultimately bolster the argument. Although the author might not be evaluat...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, hence, however, if, lastly, may, second, so, then, thus, well, while, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2604.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 493.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.28194726166 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71206996034 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8477921662 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.436105476673 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 820.8 705.55239521 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.1152314578 57.8364921388 116% => OK
Chars per sentence: 137.052631579 119.503703932 115% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.9473684211 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.68421052632 5.70786347227 82% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.248724379839 0.218282227539 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0854159394685 0.0743258471296 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0658731787891 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.150512557706 0.128457276422 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0715995208304 0.0628817314937 114% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.4 14.3799401198 114% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.64 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.3 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.0 12.3882235529 153% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.