The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford offcampus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Director of the student recommends to Buckingham college to build new dormitories which eventually attract more students to enroll in the college. However, the writer relies on unsupported assumptions about what kind of students will try to enroll in the future and current trends will similar over next 50 years. Therefore, the argument is fundamentally flawed and unconvincing.
First, the student director assumes that the current trends will be similar after 50 years and student size will get doubled which is clearly not acceptable. Perhaps, it is possible that later situation is exactly opposite to the current trends and in fact, students do not have any interest in enrollment to this college. Thus there is potential that current dormitories space can be adequate for students or we can say that there is a lot of empty rooms in dormitory after 50 years.
Additionally, the writer provides no evidence that average rent for an apartment in town will increase continuously in the coming years. It is true that average rent of a town has increased in recent years but it is also possible that the Buckingam college is located in the countryside where the rent had not increased as it increased in downtown. For instance, if the dormitories are full and area, where college is situated, has a very less rate of increase, then students can go for the rented apartment in the local area. Even if the college is located in downtown, perhaps new students of the college can afford to pay higher rents in the town. One can't predict the financial status of future students.
The notion that installing new dormitories will increase their enrollment would be strengthened by evidence that along with installing new dorms, college is providing better teaching resources which will eventually increase enrollment. In fact, students will compromise with housing needs if they found that college has well-known teaching staff such as noble price winner then one can conclude with more confidence that enrollment will increase. Also, the writer would be considerably persuasive if he showed that college is more focussing on research and tries to encourage students to do research-oriented projects.
In conclusion, the writer is not necessarily mistaken in stating that creating new dorms would increase in registration of students. However, to support the assertion that recommendation will effectively solve the problem in future , the writer must provide the scope of the problem more cogently and submit more conclusive evidence.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 407 350
No. of Characters: 2088 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.492 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.13 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.81 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.438 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.346 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.597 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...terest in enrollment to this college. Thus there is potential that current dormito...
^^^^
Line 17, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Where
...college is located in the countryside where the rent had not increased as it increa...
^^^^^
Line 17, column 175, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...uated, has a very less rate of increase, then students can go for the rented apar...
^^^^
Line 21, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: To
...ew students of the college can afford to pay higher rents in the town. One cant ...
^^
Line 21, column 38, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
... to pay higher rents in the town. One cant predict the financial status of future ...
^^^^
Line 27, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: With
...nt. In fact, students will compromise with housing needs if they found that colleg...
^^^^
Line 27, column 85, Rule ID: PRICE_PRIZE[3]
Message: Did you mean 'Nobel Prize' (reward)?
Suggestion: Nobel Prize
...e has well-known teaching staff such as noble price winner then one can conclude with more ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 33, column 90, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...tion will effectively solve the problem in future , the writer must provide the scope of ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 33, column 99, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... effectively solve the problem in future , the writer must provide the scope of th...
^^
Line 35, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: And
...he scope of the problem more cogently and submit more conclusive evidence.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, so, then, therefore, thus, well, for instance, in conclusion, in fact, kind of, such as, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 55.5748502994 86% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2170.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 407.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3316953317 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49157444576 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88152645047 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.4914004914 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 655.2 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.3086606765 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 135.625 119.503703932 113% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4375 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.125 5.70786347227 142% => OK
Paragraphs: 14.0 5.15768463074 271% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.144571167015 0.218282227539 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0535305462282 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0585016474351 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0482861427999 0.128457276422 38% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0449083925005 0.0628817314937 71% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.4 14.3799401198 114% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.93 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.91 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.