The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While the opening of new dormitories at Buckingham College could have positive outcomes and make the university more attractive for prospective students, the author fails to make a cogent case when it comes to fundamenting his point of views and does not show any significant proof to his assumptions. Even though the correlations stated are logical, there are hidden and unsaid factors that would require more attention.
The first evidence that is lacking in the argument is the correlation between the construction of new dormitories and the increase of students. As it is easy to understand why one would assume that more dormitories=more students the author says that new dormitories will make prospective students more likely to enroll at the university but relies on no evidence. A student’s decision on where to go to college is very subjective and might be influenced by multiple factors; that being said, there is no way to guarantee that dormitories will make the enrollment grow.
Another essential factor not addressed by the author is the high costs for the construction of new dormitories. There is a chance that, in order to compensate for this expanses, the university will need to increase the tuition. If this turns out to be true, it could affect the students willingness to attend Buckingham because of the big debt they could be under after graduating.
At last, the author also arguments that “students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus living” but this is also not, necessarily, true. The statement provides data to prove that students are from a low-income home or would struggle with the city’s expansive living costs. Yes, it is easy to assume that we all want to live comfortably with the minimal expenses possible, this does not mean, however, that students would face financial difficulties.
All in all, the author does have some good points that, if proved true could guarantee the university’s success. However, the statement lacks data and concrete prove and it is essential to analyse and research further before the construction of new dorms, because there could be hidden negative outcomes.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 351 350
No. of Characters: 1763 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.328 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.023 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.792 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.709 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.357 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 271, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he author says that new dormitories will make prospective students more likely to...
^^
Line 3, column 164, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...chance that, in order to compensate for this expanses, the university will need to i...
^^^^
Line 3, column 279, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'students'' or 'student's'?
Suggestion: students'; student's
...rns out to be true, it could affect the students willingness to attend Buckingham becaus...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, so, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1817.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 350.0 441.139720559 79% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.19142857143 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.32530772707 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.94895484772 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 188.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.537142857143 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 563.4 705.55239521 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.3156102604 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.769230769 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.9230769231 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.07692307692 5.70786347227 54% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.178106934222 0.218282227539 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0575840487218 0.0743258471296 77% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0456789883444 0.0701772020484 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0918082195709 0.128457276422 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0530771493343 0.0628817314937 84% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.5 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.09 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.12 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.85 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.