The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold.
“A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for
illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield.
Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called
“Kerzac Plus” that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged
convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus
guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools.
Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that
explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making
unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of
Champsfield’s children compared withWistfold’s is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus
program to promote student health.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could
rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account
for the facts presented in the argument.
In a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold, the author concludes that the number of children requiring medical attention for illness in their town is higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield. The reason cited by the author for this observation was the introduction of the Kerzac Plus program in the Champsfield school which was designed to promote health among its students. This program uses several approaches to promote student health such as using posters or presentations to explain the importance of health, or banning unhealthy and prepackaged food. Although the cited pieces of evidence seem logical and probable, the assumptions on which the conclusion relies do not lend credible support to the argument. Hence the argument seems logically unconvincing in several aspects.
Firstly, the author assumes that the survey was conducted on a large sample of children and was representative. The percentage is a relative term. Perhaps the number of children in Witsfold is relatively more than that in Champsfield. For instance, if there are only 20 children in Champsfield with only 5 children suffering from illness whereas, there are 100 children in Witsfold, then this means that the relative fraction of children suffering in Witsfold is less. Thus, the lesser population of children in Champsfield can have a higher rate of illness as compared to that of Wistfold. If this is true, then the entire purpose of the argument would be undermined. Further was the survey conducted on the entire population of children or was it focusing only on the children from the Champsfield school district. Perhaps the students who do not attend this school may be suffering from illness as well. Thus, the author should provide additional information about the survey that was conducted.
In addition to this, the author assumes that introducing healthier foods such as fruits and vegetables and banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks would lead to the development of healthy habits among children. Although, introducing healthy foods can help in achieving the desired result, but completely banning the availability of candy bars or soft drinks can cause dissatisfaction among the students. They would start to complain about the food that is provided to them and might as well bring unhealthy lunches to the school. Thus, the Kerzac program could not be attributed as the reason for the fewer number of children facing illness in Champsfield town. Also, the higher level of illness in the children of Witsfold could be attributed to other reasons such as climatic changes. Thus, implementing the new program in their schools won't be an effective approach to deal with the situation.
Finally, the author assumes that using information posters and live presentations can help in explaining the importance of healthy food and exercise as well as the risk of making unhealthy food choices. But what if the students find these presentations boring and monotonous? Perhaps, they would not lose interest and attention while listening to such presentations and hence would not take any efforts to assimilate the information that is provided to them. In this case, adopting such a strategy would be considered futile. Even if it is assumed that the presentation has succeeded in creating a positive impact on the children, but one cannot rule out the possibility that the students may revert to an unhealthy lifestyle after the school hours, or perhaps in later stages of their lives.
To sum up, the argument consists of some obvious fallacies and loopholes. Small, biased, and unrepresentative samples can weaken the argument. To bolster the argument, the author should have provided additional information about the survey that was conducted and to what extent can the new program be considered effective. But in the absence of this data, the argument relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-08-26 | tomlee0205 | 66 | view |
| 2023-08-26 | tomlee0205 | 60 | view |
| 2023-02-07 | pavithra ramesh | 69 | view |
| 2022-12-29 | Kuldip851 | 73 | view |
| 2022-09-28 | killer | 73 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 636 350
No. of Characters: 3252 1500
No. of Different Words: 263 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.022 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.113 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.818 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 252 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 195 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 140 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 80 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.931 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.617 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.69 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.27 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.461 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 726, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
... lend credible support to the argument. Hence the argument seems logically unconvinci...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 670, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Further,
...se of the argument would be undermined. Further was the survey conducted on the entire ...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rhaps in later stages of their lives. To sum up, the argument consists of some...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, hence, if, may, so, then, thus, well, whereas, while, for instance, in addition, such as, as well as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 11.1786427146 215% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 86.0 55.5748502994 155% => OK
Nominalization: 28.0 16.3942115768 171% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3321.0 2260.96107784 147% => OK
No of words: 635.0 441.139720559 144% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22992125984 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.01988110783 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.87870225168 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 272.0 204.123752495 133% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.428346456693 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 984.6 705.55239521 140% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 19.7664670659 147% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.1534114458 57.8364921388 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.517241379 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.8965517241 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.06896551724 5.70786347227 89% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 19.0 6.88822355289 276% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.184471732103 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0551244557589 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.116971004801 0.0701772020484 167% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0999466406098 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0858842858757 0.0628817314937 137% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.28 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 145.0 98.500998004 147% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.