The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold:
"A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield. Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called "Kerzac Plus" that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools. Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of Champsfield's children compared with Wistfold's is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus program to promote student health."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author hastly explained the results of a survey, that the demand for children medical resource is higher than the neighbor town, as they implemented "Kerzac Plus" program. However, this results would be untable for above three resons with also reseaonable alternative explanation.
The first dbouts comes from the results of the validity and representativeness of the survey. The survey claimed that a number of children requiring medical attention is higher in our childern. As it is only a nominal number, it did not consider the difference in the tatal polulation between two counterparties. Therefore, an alternative explanation for such results might be that our city actually has much greater poulation than Champsfield, and therefore it is reasonable for us to have more children, so that we should have a greater number of children demad medical care.
Additionally, another possible explanation for this phenomenon is that Champsfield has better regulation system on children's health, other than this single program. For instance, if Champsfield has lower children medical demand since ten years ago while the program started from last year, meanwhile there are mutiple other long-lasting program in promiting children's health, the outcome actually has a obfusticated relationship to the program.
Lastly, we still need to know if the pheneomenon, that people has higher medical demand, is only about children or for everyone including adults. If it is for all age of people, it would be really hard to explan it using the Kerzac Plus program. Then the major should find more tenbale reason from other aspects, which affect all people instead of cuildren alone.
In conclusion, everyone cares about the chidren's higher demand for medical care. However, it would not be a wise judgement to attrubute such outcome to single Kerzac Plus programe, given many other potential explanations may occur in the same time.
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| 2023-08-26 | tomlee0205 | 66 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 304 350
No. of Characters: 1585 1500
No. of Different Words: 166 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.176 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.214 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.802 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.203 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.692 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.356 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.639 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 338, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'programs'?
Suggestion: programs
...le there are mutiple other long-lasting program in promiting childrens health, the outc...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 402, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...ldrens health, the outcome actually has a obfusticated relationship to the progra...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, lastly, may, really, so, still, then, therefore, while, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 28.0 55.5748502994 50% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1643.0 2260.96107784 73% => OK
No of words: 304.0 441.139720559 69% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.40460526316 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.17559525986 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91848623331 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 172.0 204.123752495 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.565789473684 0.468620217663 121% => OK
syllable_count: 503.1 705.55239521 71% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.0933905334 57.8364921388 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.384615385 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.3846153846 23.324526521 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.53846153846 5.70786347227 167% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.254904355809 0.218282227539 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0906911514472 0.0743258471296 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0773090559139 0.0701772020484 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.134013496378 0.128457276422 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0601756954095 0.0628817314937 96% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.34 12.5979740519 114% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.04 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 98.500998004 83% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.