The following appeared in a newspaper article about law firms in the city of Megalopolis.
"In Megalopolis, the number of law school graduates who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15% over the last three years, whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Even though large firms usually offer much higher salaries, law school graduates are choosing to work for the smaller firms most likely because they experience greater job satisfaction at smaller firms. In a survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work."
This statement declares that the law school graduate are more interested in working in smaller firms which offer them more desirable features such as satisfying their ambitions. And it also recommends that the larger companies have to implement more beneficial qualities for the employees to motivate them to work there. Although this conclusion seems authentic based on a university survey, it is not reasonably substantiated and the cursory idea should be analyzed more precisely.
According to the statement in the newspaper article, preferring the satisfying factors in a job rather than the high salary while the workers searching for their occupation, have been analyzed in a university survey. Based on the results of this research, the students have been more eager to adopt a job in which they are more satisfied rather than a job which is well-paid. Therefore, due to this evidence, we can agree that lack of satisfaction of the workers in large firms has contributed to lower number of people seeking for job opportunities in these places over the three years.
In addition, it can be concluded that these work places require to enhance their facilities and qualities to encourage more workers. First, they should take new measures to attract people who pay more attention to their desires to be met. For instance, the managers can change their strict course of actions to more flexible ones in which the employees can participate in decision makings and can convey their voice and ideas to the employers and finally feel more effective. The resulted feel of honor and respect would lead to more motivated employees who will do their best for the prospering of the company.
However, supposing the fact that people do not like to work in large firms for the feel of frustration, can not be an adequate reason just based on one survey conducted by the students of one law schools. Since, not only the result of this survey is just based on the believe and thinking of the students who have not experienced the real life career, but also they would not be a convincing number of people to make conclusions for all the students of this field of study upon. In other words, the students would not be good instances for workers who really have experienced the difficulties of affording life expenses and might have to choose works with higher wages to support their family despite the fact that their work would not be favorable. Moreover, we can not attribute the results of this survey to the whole students. Since, it has just considered a low number of students and it is not true to consider that the whole students would really think so.
In sum, besides the ostensible reasons mentioned in the statement, two major points should be taken into consideration. First, although a students’ survey has claimed the creed that workers need to feel satisfied in their work place, it is not a comprehensive survey to corroborate this theory according to the fact that it just covers an insufficient instance. Second, the conclusions drawn from the students can not be generalized to workers who face sustenance problems in their daily life.
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flaws:
Well, you didn't get the point how to argue. You may first read some essays to see how others do arguments.
There is a good sample for this essay:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/following-appeared-newspaper-arti…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 529 350
No. of Characters: 2572 1500
No. of Different Words: 243 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.796 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.862 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.629 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 102 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.389 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.984 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.577 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5