The following appeared in the summary of a study on
headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine
used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for
the past several decades, food processing companies have al so been adding
salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates
has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of
headaches reported by participants in our twenty year study. Recently,
food proc essing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor
additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued
steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of
Mentia."
In the summary, the speaker drew the conclusion that by using salicylates as a food additive can contribute to the future headache reported in the town of Mentia. To back his claim, the speaker used a study to correlate the decrease of headache cases reported the commercial use of salicylates. He also mentioned about the discovery from food processing company that aspirin could be used as a flavor additive to food. All of those facts, the speaker claimed, can further reduce the headache cases reported in the town of Mentia. Although his reasonings may look promising at first glances, the logic and assumptions behind his argument is flawed.
First, as the speaker mentioned about the 20-year study of the correlation between the reduce number of headache cases and the commercial use of salicylates, he would assume that such a study is very objective and whose result is reliable. Since there is no mentioning, however, about the actual method used to study those people, the assumption that the result is cogent cannot be made in the first place. Perhaps that the reduce in number of cases reported is a representation of a placebo effect, because the people might be informed that such ingredients is present in their food and there is no placebo contrast experiment mentioned in the summary. Or perhaps the study changed their diet structure, which reduce the unhealthy food that might cause headache. Therefore, without detailed data and how the study was conducted, the correlation of the decrease in number of headache case reported cannot be used as a cogent argument to reach the final conclusion from the speaker.
Second, even assuming that the result from the study was accurate, the author also mentioned about the new usage of salicylate as a food flavor, which he claims will further reduce the number of headache cases. Such claim, however, also includes unfounded assumption that those food companies will for sure add salicylates to their final products, and those products will be consumed by the citizens from Mentia. Because there is neither report regarding the future use of salicylates at a food flavor, nor regarding the customer of buying such foods, the conclusion cannot be cogently drawn.
Last but not least, even assume that people are going to consume foods that contains salicylates as flavor additive, the claim that the case number of headaches would be further decreases. To reach the conclusion by the author, the assumptions that the current patients of headaches are not take effective medicine must be made in the first place. Since there is no mentioning about the demographics of aspirin usage from Mentia, there might not be even any decrease in the number reported. Perhaps the people who suffered from headaches have already taken aspirin but their symptom did not go away, or even perhaps that their headaches are caused by some other sources that cannot be cured by salicylates. Without information from the people, the author’s claim that using salicylates can further reduce the number of headaches is flawed.
To sum up, the author made series potential flawed assumptions in his argument. To make the summary more cogent, he would have to mention the details of the study conducted, the food additive plan from the factory, customer willingness to buy the food as well as the demographic information about the people who suffered from headaches in Mentia to cogently reach his final conclusion.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 569 350
No. of Characters: 2828 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.884 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.97 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.554 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 208 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 150 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 107 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.45 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.335 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.559 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 85, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...0-year study of the correlation between the reduce number of headache cases and the commer...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 421, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...e made in the first place. Perhaps that the reduce in number of cases reported is a repres...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 274, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this food' or 'those foods'?
Suggestion: this food; those foods
...also includes unfounded assumption that those food companies will for sure add salicylates...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, look, may, regarding, second, so, therefore, well, as well as, to sum up, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 78.0 55.5748502994 140% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2900.0 2260.96107784 128% => OK
No of words: 569.0 441.139720559 129% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09666080844 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.88402711743 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65311040367 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.386643233743 0.468620217663 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 918.9 705.55239521 130% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 54.8371224628 57.8364921388 95% => OK
Chars per sentence: 145.0 119.503703932 121% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.45 23.324526521 122% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.95 5.70786347227 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.12531146821 0.218282227539 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.04898405046 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0317328782272 0.0701772020484 45% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0881279961594 0.128457276422 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0220409627725 0.0628817314937 35% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.8 14.3799401198 117% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.06 48.3550499002 89% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.6 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.16 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 113.0 98.500998004 115% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.