The following is a memo from the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores, which operates thirty pet stores worldwide.
“Five years ago, our competitor Fish Emporium started advertising in Exotic Pets Monthly magazine. Their sales overall have seen a steady increase of 3-to-5 percent per year since then. In fact, the Fish Emporium store in Gulf City saw even more remarkable gains, becoming the most visited pet store in the United States last year. Meanwhile, our two Lamfonz stores in Gulf City have seen sales steadily decline during the same period. It seems clear that we should immediately begin placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly and other popular pet magazines. If we do so, we will be sure to reverse this recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again.”
In the memo, marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores concludes, they should start placing their advertisement in Exotic Pets and other popular pet magazines to counter the decline of sales, and start making the profit. This conclusion is based on the evidence that competing store, Fish Emporium has started advertising in maganizines consequently, started making profit. The argument as it stands now is flawed and requires three evidence to clear the ambiguity surrounding it.
Firstly, there is no evidence which states that Fish Emporium's sales are directly connected to their advertising. It can be the case, that they have opened theire store near a university or an office which makes it easy to attract more customers and increase sales. Also, it is possible, they have started offering a new and exclusive pet which is not offered anywhere in the country. Thus, it requires some evidence which clearly indicates the reason for the increase in sales. If author fails to provide the evidence then it makes the statement weak.
Secondly, no evidence suggests that increase in sales directly relates to increase in profit. It can be the case, that they are losing money while trying to attract average customer by offering various incentives and fancy advertisements. So, it requires some evidence (perhaps a financial comparison between the two) to clear out the ambiguity associated with the profit and sales of the two stores. If author fails to provide evidence supporting his assumption then it makes the statement weaker.
Lastly, there is no evidence which suggests that placing ads in Magazines will surely counter the declining sales. It can be the case that Lamfonz Pet Stores are shrinking their offerings and thus the customers are not willing to choose from a limited options. It can also be the case that Lamfonz Pet stores is decling sales because people already have a pet and so they do not require extra pet. Hence, it requires some evidence (perhaps a survey) that clearly shows preferences of the people and also if they already have a pet or not. If author fails to provide evidence associated with this then it makes the argument weaker.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now is flawed and requires three evidence for clearing out the ambiguity. If author fails to provide the evidence supporting his claims then it makes the argument invalid.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1945 1500
No. of Different Words: 168 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.949 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.562 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 151 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.684 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.822 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.842 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.363 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 480, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...s the reason for the increase in sales. If author fails to provide the evidence th...
^^
Line 5, column 400, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...the profit and sales of the two stores. If author fails to provide evidence suppor...
^^
Line 7, column 538, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...also if they already have a pet or not. If author fails to provide evidence associ...
^^
Line 9, column 116, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...vidence for clearing out the ambiguity. If author fails to provide the evidence su...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, consequently, first, firstly, hence, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, then, thus, while, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 34.0 55.5748502994 61% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1995.0 2260.96107784 88% => OK
No of words: 393.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.07633587786 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45244063426 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61406514277 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 172.0 204.123752495 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.437659033079 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 642.6 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 4.96107784431 262% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 33.0028119343 57.8364921388 57% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 105.0 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.6842105263 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.73684210526 5.70786347227 101% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.2474727314 0.218282227539 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0836840579093 0.0743258471296 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.108513308608 0.0701772020484 155% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15393572643 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.129682259677 0.0628817314937 206% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.18 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.