The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While it may be true that a Jazz club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise, the author's argument does not make a cogent case for an accessible loan based on a high profit. It is easy to understand why residents of Monroe will love Jazz music, but this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and therefore not strong enough to lead to an accessible loan.
Firstly, it is assumed that the jazz music club in Monroe will have the local market to itself. What is the evidence that the residents of Monroe will want to club in Monroe? For example, driving 65 miles away may be part of the fun they derive in clubbing and as such will prefer going that far to the club rather than clubbing at Monroe. Until this evidence is established, the argument is weakened.
Secondly, it was assumed that Jazz is extremely popular, following the 100,000 people that attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer. It could be that 100,000 people attended the festival last year because it did not clash with any other major events. There is also a possibility that not all people that attended the festival loved jazz, they were there because they were bored and the weather was favorable to be out. Substantial evidence is required to strengthen the claim, otherwise, the claim is weakened.
Also, in line with the assumption that Jazz is extremely popular, the assumption was backed by the fact that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe. As catchy as this may seem, it is not evident enough that Jazz musicians living in Monroe translate to Jazz being extremely popular in Monroe. For instance, it could be that the musicians find Monroe convenient to live in and not necessary because residents of Monroe love Jazz. Until it is proved otherwise, the assumption remains invalid.
Finally, citing the survey, the author reports that a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is crucial to know the reliability of the study. For example, there is a possibility that people tend to exaggerate what they say in surveys. Also, another thing worthy to know is if a good number of jazz fans that spend $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment are resident in or within Monroe. It is possible that fans who can spend this much on Jazz entertainment live far away from Monroe and as such fans who live in or within Monroe spend less on jazz entertainment. Hence, further evidence is required to substantiate this claim, otherwise, the claim is weakened.
In conclusion, a jazz club in Monroe will add value to the city. For this reason, the loan could be granted. However, this author’s argument is not significantly persuasive for a loan to be granted.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 472 350
No. of Characters: 2212 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.661 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.686 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.544 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.522 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.531 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.652 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.32 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.32 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 100, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...tremendously profitable enterprise, the authors argument does not make a cogent case fo...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 123, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...hat the typical jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It i...
^^
Line 5, column 384, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...if a good number of jazz fans that spend ,000 per year on jazz entertainment are r...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, hence, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, well, while, another thing, for example, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 35.0 19.6327345309 178% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2273.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 472.0 441.139720559 107% => OK
Chars per words: 4.8156779661 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6610686524 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64950735422 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.434322033898 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 698.4 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.5079710087 57.8364921388 79% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.8260869565 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.5217391304 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.30434782609 5.70786347227 128% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.36857347809 0.218282227539 169% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.111190007356 0.0743258471296 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0882695853352 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.212118577777 0.128457276422 165% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0733297201711 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.68 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.54 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.