The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
According to the application made by a group of developers for a small-business loan states, that it would be beneficial if they started a local jazz music club in Monroe. Group of developers has provided many reasons why their loan should be approved and the business would be profitable. However, these reasons lie on series of assumptions that are unpersuasive and illogical. Further decision on these points would be done in the following essay.
First, the developers states that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from the city. So, they suggest that opening one nearer to the city would be profitable. However, developers has not mention how many people go to jazz club which is present. They have also not mention that, is the club profitable or not. We don't know that are people willing to go to the club or not. So, developers should conduct a survey, and the survey should include questions like 'how many people are willing to come to the new jazz club?', 'will people come to the club on regular basis or it would be one time thing?', and many more questions should be asked in the survey.
Secondly, the developers claim that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. To validate this claim developers provided different facts like more than 100,000 people attended the Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and jazz is one of the highest-rated radio program in Monroe. It could happen that people only like to attend the annual summer program and would not like to listen to jazz everyday. It might also happen that the people like to hear jazz from the comfort of their home on radios rather then going to club and listening it live. It might also happen that very few residents of Monroe attended the annual summer festival and majority of the crowd were from different cities. So, without considering all these facts it would be illogical to assume that the new jazz club would be profitable.
Thirdly, the developers states that the club would be profitable as a typical jazz fan spends approx around thousand dollar each year on jazz. This data which the developers talked was taken across the nation and was not specific to the city of Monroe. It might happen so that people of Monroe only like to listen to jazz music and not spend money on it. So, without doing a proper cost analyses opening a new club would not be a prudent choice.
In conclusion, the developers should consider all the aforemention suggestion and points before deciding on opening a new jazz club. First, the developers should collect accurate data specific to city of Monroe and then decide whether opening a jazz club would be profitable or not. The developers should consider long term aspects and not an immediate one.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 472 350
No. of Characters: 2200 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.661 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.661 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.417 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.522 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.777 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.153 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 190, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'mentioned'.
Suggestion: mentioned
...profitable. However, developers has not mention how many people go to jazz club which i...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 315, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...that, is the club profitable or not. We dont know that are people willing to go to t...
^^^^
Line 3, column 390, Rule ID: EVERYDAY_EVERY_DAY[3]
Message: 'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean 'every day'?
Suggestion: every day
...am and would not like to listen to jazz everyday. It might also happen that the people l...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 503, Rule ID: RATHER_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'than'? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
Suggestion: than
... comfort of their home on radios rather then going to club and listening it live. It...
^^^^
Line 3, column 539, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'lives'?
Suggestion: lives
...her then going to club and listening it live. It might also happen that very few res...
^^^^
Line 3, column 545, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...en going to club and listening it live. It might also happen that very few residen...
^^
Line 4, column 101, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...able as a typical jazz fan spends approx around thousand dollar each year on jazz...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2251.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 471.0 441.139720559 107% => OK
Chars per words: 4.77919320594 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.65859790218 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45659027124 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.420382165605 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 696.6 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.8305635746 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.8695652174 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.4782608696 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.60869565217 5.70786347227 63% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.41624697511 0.218282227539 191% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.132683041622 0.0743258471296 179% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0836591135252 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.251730040457 0.128457276422 196% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0396823040045 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.44 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.24 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 98.500998004 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.