The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the part of the application above, it is stated that a jazz music club in Monroe will be tremendously profitable enterprise. This conclusion is reached by observing large number of people attending annual jazz festival last summer, ’Jazz Nightly’ being the highest-rated radio program in Monroe, availability of several well-known jazz musician and nearest jazz club being 65 miles away from Monroe. However, before this conclusion can be properly, special evidences are required.
First of all, People are more likely to visit annual festival. In other words, the festival occurring annually is expected to be crowded then the event that occurs often. There is possibility that the annual jazz festival last summer was famous since it occurred once a year. However, this is possible that during the festival there was holiday of most of the people. If either of the case is true then the conclusion drawn is severely weakened.
Secondly, The skill of the musician living there is unknown. In other words, are the well-known jazz musician of the place are skilled enough to perform on the club. There is possibility that they are unwilling to perform on the club as a regular worker since they are well-known and have to travel for their work. In that case musicians should be hired from other places which may result costly. However, this is possible that the well-known musicians living there have high pay so that may result in too much expense for the club.
Similarly, the amount of $1000 per yearly many not be profitable amount for the club. Even if people are likely to enjoy jazz music and we managed to onboard local well-known musicians we are not sure that $1000 annually per person will make our club profitable. There is possibility that the expense of the club exceed the annual spend per person.
In the conclusion, as above mentioned, is considerably flawed due to too many unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to provide more evidence then the conclusion can be further discussed.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 337 350
No. of Characters: 1635 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.285 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.852 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.521 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 117 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.722 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.643 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.568 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 369, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...here was holiday of most of the people. If either of the case is true then the con...
^^
Line 9, column 104, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ue to too many unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to provide more evid...
^^
Line 9, column 151, Rule ID: LESS_MORE_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'than'?
Suggestion: than
...author is able to provide more evidence then the conclusion can be further discussed...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, then, well, first of all, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.6327345309 158% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 16.3942115768 12% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1689.0 2260.96107784 75% => OK
No of words: 337.0 441.139720559 76% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.0118694362 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.28457229495 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62459175722 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 166.0 204.123752495 81% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.492581602374 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 526.5 705.55239521 75% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 49.7161076315 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.8333333333 119.503703932 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.7222222222 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.44444444444 5.70786347227 95% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.248553915088 0.218282227539 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0750956682091 0.0743258471296 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0957256547415 0.0701772020484 136% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.129475807747 0.128457276422 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.112702203232 0.0628817314937 179% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.78 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 98.500998004 71% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.