The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The developers claimed that a jazz club in Monroe would be a profitable enterprise. However, the evidence of the claim is not sufficient.
The author mentioned that the nearest club is 65 miles away from Monroe. And if one jazz club is proposed in Monroe, it will have all the local market. However, the author did not provide evidence that people in Monroe will change their habits to go to a new club. If a person in Monroe likes to go to a jazz club outside Monroe, he might get used to drive his car, and enjoy services provided by it. Also, a person might get together with his friends who live outside Monroe. The author should provide evidence to why people who live in Monroe go to a jazz club and who they go with.
An annual jazz festival is also be mentioned. Over 100,000 people attended last summer. Yet so many people come here for the festival last summer. It does not mean that the phenomenon will last for a long time. In a prediction, we all know that we should have sufficient amount of statistics to have a more precise prediction. However, the developers use the number of people who attend the annual festival for only last summer. The developers should provide more data in the past few years in order to know that whether the number of people attended was still high or was in an increasing trend to make the claim more strengthen the argument.
Moreover, a worldwide study shows that a typical fan will spend around 1000 dollars per year on jazz. The surveyed areas of the study should also be indicated as an evidence to know. If the study only surveys in those areas where jazz music is popular, it does not imply that people in Monroe are in the same situation. Even if the study is true. How does the expenditure be calculated? If the number is calculated using an average number of the expenditure of each fan, then the expenditure distribution of people in Monroe will be important. If most of the people in Monroe are likely to spend above the average, the club will be profitable. In contrast, if the expenditure of people in Monroe in far below average, the outcome of the study will not be a good resource to include as a reason.
In order to evaluate the argument, evidence mentioned above is needed.
- The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books."We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because 43
- The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe. “A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away 77
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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also need to argue:
several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 406 350
No. of Characters: 1788 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.489 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.404 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.361 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 72 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.917 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.185 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.31 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.523 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 321, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[2]
Message: “Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...le in Monroe are in the same situation. Even if the study is true. How does the expendi...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, moreover, so, still, then, in contrast
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1845.0 2260.96107784 82% => OK
No of words: 406.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.54433497537 5.12650576532 89% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48881294772 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.46627498776 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 180.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.443349753695 0.468620217663 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 594.9 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.0991871217 57.8364921388 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 76.875 119.503703932 64% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9166666667 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.58333333333 5.70786347227 45% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.25708604074 0.218282227539 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0823829975952 0.0743258471296 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0943848313935 0.0701772020484 134% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.144422080106 0.128457276422 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0995413012756 0.0628817314937 158% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.4 14.3799401198 58% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 48.3550499002 132% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 12.197005988 69% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 8.76 12.5979740519 70% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.96 8.32208582834 84% => OK
difficult_words: 65.0 98.500998004 66% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.