The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author claims that building a Jazz music club in Monroe would result in tremendously profitable enterprise in the city. The author makes several assumption which concludes that people in Monroe would have the Jazz club all to themselves, thousands of people would attend the Monroe’s annual Jazz festival like the last summer, also he states the fact of the playing the Jazz music everyday on radio would increase its customers. Finally the author also provides the nationwide study of having the Jazz fan spending 1000 dollars per year on the Jazz entertainment. This argument distorts the view of the current situations by manipulating the facts and providing weak evidences.
First, the author mentions about the distance of the nearest Jazz club which is 65 miles away, and assumes that the C- Note Jazz club would have all the local market to itself. But would this apply if there builds up another music genre club in the town? Is there any guarantee that people would visit the Jazz club even when there appears new disco, country club or hip hop club? Definitely not. Chances are people would skip the jazz and prefer to some different music genre. As new music is keeps up innovating, people would want to explore new beats and tunes happening in the music industry, instead of going to old school Jazz club.
Secondly, the author states about the popularity of Jazz music in Monroe. Based on the fact that 100,000 people attended the Monroe’s annual Jazz festival last summer, the author assumes that Jazz is popular in Monroe, and would spend more again if there happen to be another Jazz festival. It is clear that author provides no clear evidence that people would spend again on the tickets for the Jazz festival. For example, Last summer, people would have attended the Jazz festival because, as many of them have their summer vacations, and there might be no other festival going on during that time. As a result of this people would have opted to attend the jazz festival. The author also fails to provide the success rate of the previous Jazz festival. Was the last festival successful? Were the people satisfied with the performances, what were their reviews; are they going to attend again? Lack of information of these questions raises scepticism on the author’s assumptions.
Furthermore, the author mentions the fact of having several jazz musicians as residents of Monroe city. How does this indicate that these musicians would work if the club was built in the city? What is the age of these Jazz musicians? Are they willing to work? We don’t know if their living in the city would help the reason for the jazz club establishment. There are chances that the Jazz musicians might be at senile age, and retired from their profession and simply living their life peacefully.
Lastly, the author states about the everyday playing of ‘Jazz Nightly’, a high rated radio program. The author assumes as this program is played every night, people in Monroe loves Jazz. Further, he fails to provides any relevant information about any other program playing on radio, or was it the only program playing on radio? Because if it, then of course this ’Jazz Nightly’ is termed as high-rated on radio. Furthermore, the author provides the nationwide study which says that a typical jazz fan spends close to 1000 dollars on jazz entertainment. The first question arises here is that when was this study taken? Because it may be true that a jazz fan would spend such monetary, but it would have happened only in the 60’s and 70’s. There were no other sources to get the music without spending penny. The days now have changes; people can have music for free online, listen to it whenever and wherever just by plugging in the earphones to their smart phones.
In conclusion, it is observed that author's example is based on prediction rather than actual evaluation. He fails to provide any other crucial measure that people would spend the same amount on Jazz entertainment of the C-note, jazz Club was established in Monroe city, hence the argument is unpersuasive as it stands.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 35 15
No. of Words: 698 350
No. of Characters: 3316 1500
No. of Different Words: 291 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.14 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.751 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.313 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 218 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 142 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.943 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.187 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.543 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.481 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.131 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 142, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun assumption seems to be countable; consider using: 'several assumptions'.
Suggestion: several assumptions
...nterprise in the city. The author makes several assumption which concludes that people in Monroe w...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 439, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
... on radio would increase its customers. Finally the author also provides the nationwide...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 605, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...her festival going on during that time. As a result of this people would have opte...
^^
Line 5, column 620, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ing on during that time. As a result of this people would have opted to attend the j...
^^^^
Line 9, column 219, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'provide'.
Suggestion: provide
...Monroe loves Jazz. Further, he fails to provides any relevant information about any othe...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 998, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...in the earphones to their smart phones. In conclusion, it is observed that autho...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, hence, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, then, for example, in conclusion, of course, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 28.8173652695 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 75.0 55.5748502994 135% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3458.0 2260.96107784 153% => OK
No of words: 697.0 441.139720559 158% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.9612625538 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.13816675137 4.56307096286 113% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.53068137286 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 296.0 204.123752495 145% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.424677187948 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1032.3 705.55239521 146% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 19.7664670659 177% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 58.0670841823 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.8 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.9142857143 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.05714285714 5.70786347227 71% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 22.0 8.20758483034 268% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.338093843601 0.218282227539 155% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0997863637513 0.0743258471296 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0760055814725 0.0701772020484 108% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.210549118675 0.128457276422 164% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0561348595061 0.0628817314937 89% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.9 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.61 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 134.0 98.500998004 136% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.