The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A small business group in the city of Monroe predict a jazz music club to be a highly profitable enterprise in the city. They have cited various evidences to back such a claim. These evidences seem veritable and convincing during the first read. But a closer look unearths possible discrepancies in these evidences that could prove the prediction by the business group unwarranted.
Firstly, the arguer suggests that since there is no jazz music club in the close vicinity of Monroe, C-Note will have all the local market to itself. It could be possible that the reason why there are no jazz clubs in the city of Monroe is because the residents do not like visiting such clubs. Moreover, the evidence produced in the passage, that the closest jazz club is sixty-five miles away from Monroe further backs such a prediction that citizens of Monroe probably do not pose a penchant for jazz music clubs. This could prove the arguer's prediction false and the new jazz music club could be a bad investment for the small-business group.
Secondly, the arguer cites that Monroe's recent jazz festival garnered an audience of around hundred thousand people and the radio program, 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest rated program in Monroe. Therefore, people of Monroe will visit the jazz music club as well. Both these evidences are totally baseless and do not provide any support to the arguer's prediction. The jazz festival happens once a year in Monroe, it could be possible that the residents see it as a once in a year opportunity and hence, visit the festival. And it could also be possible that the citizens of Monroe prefer staying at home and listen to the jazz program rather than stepping out and spending money in a jazz music club. Both these aforementioned situations can undermine the arguer's prediction about C-Note's success.
Lastly, the arguer mentions a nationwide study that indicates a typical jazz fan spends close to a thousand dollars on jazz entertainment. How can a nationwide study represent the people of Monroe? What if the people of Monroe spend only a small amount of money on jazz entertainment? This could mean that the people of Monroe would be reluctant to spend money in a jazz music club. And even if we consider that the people of Monroe spend close to a thousand dollars on jazz related entertainment. How can the arguer be sure that the citizens of Monroe will spend money on the jazz music club? It might be possible that they spend their money buying jazz instruments. This would again undermine the arguer's prediction about the jazz music club's success.
In sum, the evidences provided by the small-business group are totally unwarranted and baseless. The evidences seem to hint at a few alternate possibilities that seem to undermine the arguer's position. Hence, the arguer should revisit the evidences provided to predict if the jazz music club would really be a profitable venture in Monroe.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 495 350
No. of Characters: 2391 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.717 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.83 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.587 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.526 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.48 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.549 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 539, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'arguers'' or 'arguer's'?
Suggestion: arguers'; arguer's
... jazz music clubs. This could prove the arguers prediction false and the new jazz music...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 341, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'arguers'' or 'arguer's'?
Suggestion: arguers'; arguer's
...s and do not provide any support to the arguers prediction. The jazz festival happens o...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 753, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'arguers'' or 'arguer's'?
Suggestion: arguers'; arguer's
...ementioned situations can undermine the arguers prediction about C-Notes success. La...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 700, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'arguers'' or 'arguer's'?
Suggestion: arguers'; arguer's
...ruments. This would again undermine the arguers prediction about the jazz music clubs s...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, if, lastly, look, moreover, really, second, secondly, so, therefore, well
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2440.0 2260.96107784 108% => OK
No of words: 495.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 4.92929292929 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71684168287 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64740210091 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.410101010101 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 749.7 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.4803278676 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.6 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.8 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.28 5.70786347227 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.381866731422 0.218282227539 175% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.136439497328 0.0743258471296 184% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.110193660753 0.0701772020484 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.241454844536 0.128457276422 188% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0635953188799 0.0628817314937 101% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.7 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.31 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.29 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.