A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
In this argument, the arguer recommends that establishing a jazz music club, C Note, in Monroe can bring in a considerable amount of money. To support this recommendation, that arguer points out that 1) the closest jazz club at this moment is 65 miles away 2) jazz music is fairly popular in Monroe 3) according to a nationwide study, jazz fans spend a good amount of money on jazz entertainment every year. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
To start with, the arguer points out that the closest jazz club at this moment is 65 miles away from the city of Monroe. Hence, he straightly declares that once C Note is established in Monroe, it will have the local market all to itself. However, let us give it a second thought: if the arguer believes that C Note will have the local market all to itself, he must support that customers value distance more than any other elements. Actually, there are many other elements and conditions will vary people’s choice of jazz club besides distance. For instance, if a jazz fan built up his friend circle in other jazz clubs, then he is less likely to choose C Note instead. A further investigation on what are the major elements and conditions that customers consider before consuming is needed before the arguer can sweep out the doubt whether C Note will have the local market all to itself.
Further, the arguer points out that jazz music is fairly popular in Monroe. Nevertheless, here lies a flaw in the arguer’s assumption: “Jazz Nightly” is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe every weeknight. Basically, it is highly possible that “Jazz Nightly” is not the highest-rated radio program every weekend night when most people get to enjoy their favorite program. If the arguer can present a survey shows “Jazz Nightly” is the highest-rated or top-rated radio program every weeknight and weekend night, then we can have a more precise picture of the feasibility of this recommendation of this conclusion.
Even assuming that C Note will have the local market all to itself and jazz music are fairly popular in Monroe, the arguer fails to consider Monroe’s local condition rather than nation. Essentially, in his assumption exists a noticeable flaw: according to a nationwide study, jazz fans spend a good amount of money on jazz entertainment every year. To be specific, this is a general study among the whole nation instead of a study that deals with the city of Monroe specifically while considering the local condition in Monroe. Therefore, without ruling out such possibility, the arguer cannot simply assume that jazz fans in Monroe spend $1000 every year on jazz entertainment.
In conclusion, to persuade us that a jazz music club, C Note, in Monroe can bring in a considerable amount of money, the arguer must supply clear evidence that when it comes to choosing jazz clubs, people in Monroe prefer close distance than everything else, jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe, and jazz fans in Monroe will spend a good amount of money on jazz entertainment, especially inside of a jazz club. If the argument had included the given factors discussed above, it would have been, so at least it seems to me, more thorough and logically acceptable.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 556 350
No. of Characters: 2651 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.856 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.768 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.683 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 182 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.263 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.282 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.408 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.596 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.203 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 187, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to jazz'
Suggestion: to jazz
...evidence that when it comes to choosing jazz clubs, people in Monroe prefer close di...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, besides, hence, however, if, nevertheless, second, so, then, therefore, while, at least, for instance, in conclusion, to start with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 28.8173652695 153% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2774.0 2260.96107784 123% => OK
No of words: 556.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98920863309 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.85588840946 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91459040411 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.437050359712 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 853.2 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 74.1976845925 57.8364921388 128% => OK
Chars per sentence: 146.0 119.503703932 122% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.2631578947 23.324526521 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.42105263158 5.70786347227 130% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.419140349336 0.218282227539 192% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.149797599034 0.0743258471296 202% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0971687559742 0.0701772020484 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.272381519463 0.128457276422 212% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.089336640879 0.0628817314937 142% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.7 14.3799401198 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.25 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 98.500998004 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.