A recent study suggests that people who are left-handed are more likely to succeed in
business than are right-handed people. Researchers studied photographs of 1,000 prominent
business executives and found that 21 percent of these executives wrote with their left hand.
So the percentage of prominent business executives who are left-handed (21 percent) is
almost twice the percentage of people in the general population who are left-handed (11
percent). Thus, people who are left-handed would be well advised to pursue a career in
business, whereas people who are right-handed would be well advised to imitate the business
practices exhibited by left-handers.
The author argues that the people who are left-handed would have a better chance in pursuing careers in business and the right-handed people should rather rely on and learn from the practices the left-hande people adopt in pursuing careers in business. The cites a recent study that has descried that the left-handed people who excel in business are in higher percentages that the percentage of people who are left-handed in a general population. The author's argument seems to be based on some unwarranted assumptions that should be clarified to make a cogent case. The assumptions weaken the argument and are discussed in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, there in no mention of the body that has conducted the study. Without a credible source for the study the arguement might seem vague. Perhaps the studies were conducted by a lesser known organization that is not known for its scientific findings, It might be possible that there can be adulterations in the data and the results of the study due to factors ranging from, not following proper research norms,to deliberate attempt by someone. The author must mention the source of the study so as the readers can find this argument credible.
Secondly, the study is conducted on 1,000 prominent business executives, where there is no mention of regional and ethnical backgrounds of the people considered for the study. Perhaps, the regional and ethnical backgrounds of people have a role in determining the success rate in their business careers. It may be possible that the subjects for the study had the same regional and ethnical background which would implicate that the study is deemed to fail on an ubiquitous basis. The author must gather details of the subjects who were considered for the study to provide a comprehensive view of how the study might actually be germane to people.
Thirdly, for a study that concludes in general that left-handed people have better probability in succeeding in business than their right-handed counterparts, there are only 1000 people who were considered. Perhaps, thousand people are not sufficient enough to arrive at conclusive results. It may be possible that the results would be vary significantly if the number of subjects were increased commensurate to the current population. This would elicit better results from the study. The author fails to make a coherent argument as no relation between the statistical numbers provided in the arguement are provided.
Lastly, there has been exposotion that relates how the hand of use relates to the brain functioning and which is significant enough to bring noticeable discrepancies between the two, in terms of a success rate as business executives. Perhaps, there are other brain functions that dominate ones ability to suceed as a business executive, more than someone's dominant hand. The author relies on a study that fails to setup the relation to the observation and the results. This adds to the unreliability of the argument.
In conclusion, the argument by the author is weakened by the above-stated reasons. If the author investigates about the organization that conducted the study and the factors that were considered in the study the author can make a cogent case to the readers. The author must judge and establish reliability of the study and its results to make a stronger argument.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 11 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 546 350
No. of Characters: 2760 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.834 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.055 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.824 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 206 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 159 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 117 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 70 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.686 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.417 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.335 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.124 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 448, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...re left-handed in a general population. The authors argument seems to be based on s...
^^^
Line 1, column 452, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...eft-handed in a general population. The authors argument seems to be based on some unwa...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 567, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...uld be clarified to make a cogent case. The assumptions weaken the argument and are...
^^^
Line 2, column 414, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , to
...rom, not following proper research norms,to deliberate attempt by someone. The auth...
^^^
Line 3, column 459, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...ate that the study is deemed to fail on an ubiquitous basis. The author must gathe...
^^
Line 4, column 216, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a thousand'.
Suggestion: a thousand
...00 people who were considered. Perhaps, thousand people are not sufficient enough to arr...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...are other brain functions that dominate ones ability to suceed as a business executi...
^^^^
Line 5, column 411, Rule ID: CAN_SETUP[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to set up'?
Suggestion: to set up
...The author relies on a study that fails to setup the relation to the observation and the...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, first, firstly, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, in conclusion, in general
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 26.0 13.6137724551 191% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 69.0 55.5748502994 124% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2807.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 545.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 5.1504587156 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88764787092 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.405504587156 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 882.9 705.55239521 125% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.2388240748 57.8364921388 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.958333333 119.503703932 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7083333333 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.41666666667 5.70786347227 77% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.314905288848 0.218282227539 144% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0862154999627 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.10388973638 0.0701772020484 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.166900086748 0.128457276422 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0846575338815 0.0628817314937 135% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.89 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 126.0 98.500998004 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.