The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Using electronic monitoring software is the best way to reduce the number of hours Climpson employees spend on personal or recreational activities. We predict that installing software to monitor employees' Internet use will allow us to prevent employees from wasting time, thereby increasing productivity and improving overall profits."
In this argument, the author suggests that productivity and profits of Climpson Industries will be improved by preventing employees from wasting time through installing software to monitor employees' Internet use. This conclusion is based on a survey which indicated the main recreational activities of major workers on the Internet and the assumption that electronic monitoring software can effectively reduce the time wasted online during work without any side effect or alternative solution. However, some crucial evidence fail to be presented, which casts doubt on the validity of this argument.
As is mentioned, a survey reflected people’s favor of Internet using. The author apparently ensures that the survey is reliable. But it is possible that samples and questions are probably biased. For one thing, the survey might be processed in a cybercafe where more people indulged in recreations on the Internet stay. In this case, answers tend to be unfair for those who don’t prefer to use Internet for recreational activities. For another, the set of questions could goes like this: ’What activity have you used company computers for, banking or playing games?’, which is likely to give respondent a negative imply and therefore receive biased answers. So more details about the circumstance and content of the survey are needed to ensure its liability.
Even though the survey is reliable, the author can hardly guarantee the improvement of efficiency after implementing this practice. It is obviously assumed that being electronically monitored, employees will devoted to their work without any distraction. Nonetheless, his does not consider the probability that they can turn to other recreational activities not using network, such as playing cards, chatting and reading novels. In this way, monitoring employees by installing software is clearly feeble. Therefore the author should provide more evidence about types of these activities as well as some feasible solutions accordingly.
Even though the measure can be practiced with significant effect, the author should not assert it to be advisable. He clearly excludes the potential side effects and alternative measures. Yet there are some undeniable harm to employees such as violating their privacy, which could cause complaint and resign and thereby impair the industries. Consequently more viable approaches ought to be fixed up to improve employees’ performance, for instance through promoting salary and social welfare.
To sum up, it is suggested that software to monitor employees' Internet use should be installed to improve productivity and overall profits. And this argument would be more warranted if some critical evidence were provided.
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Comments
A revised argument 1: As is
A revised argument 1:
As is mentioned, a national survey reflected Internet using in the region where Climpson Industries are located. The author apparently ensures that the nationwide survey can veritably imply people’s favor in a particular area. But it is possible that situation in this place is completely distinguished from other areas. For example, workers here prefer to go to bank or play games on their own instead of using the internet. In this case, answers tend to be not convincing to indicate people’s real preference in Climpson Industries. So more specialized survey in this region is needed to guarantee its liability.
argument 1 -- not OK. suggested: A national survey may not apply to this company.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 2249 1500
No. of Different Words: 235 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.419 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.833 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 187 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 109 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 71 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.762 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.28 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.282 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.493 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.054 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5