"When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine."
In the above statement, the author has advised that all the employees who has been laid off by the employer should opt for Delany Personnel Firm instead of Walsh Personnel Firm. Some of the employers itself hire these firms to help the employee in creating resumes and interview related skills. He has provided some statistics regarding the same for both the firms to prove his point of statement. But the data collected by the author after observations have various loopholes in it.
Firstly, the author proclaims that last year employees who have joined Delany found jobs more quickly than those who did not joined them. This information provided is incomplete. Since, the author has not mentioned that the employees who have not joined Delany have joined some other firms or not. It might be plausible that the employees where searching out for jobs themselves. Thus, it can not be stated that the number of placements offered by Delany is more than Walsh.
However, in his second statistics he collected that the services offered by Walsh’s is cheaper than offered by Delany’s. So, he collected the statistics of people preferring Walsh’s services because of the low price and same services offered as of Delany’s. Author has not provided any evidences for the statement he mentioned.
Thirdly, the author is comparing the eight year old data of both the personnel firms. He states that when a XYZ employee for using Walsh’s services it founds the job in a year. Whereas when the same employee used Delany’s service it got a job within six months. The author made the point by representing Delany’s bigger staff and larger offices but he has not compared the actual figure of staff members working in the Delany’s and Walsh’s firm. Therefore, his point can not be used as a valid statement.
Moreover, he has also collected the statistics of number of months it took to find a job using both the services. It took nine months in Walsh’s and around six months in Delany’s. Data provided is not having full information about the quality of the job, the package offered and the other benefits to the employee. Thus, it can not be considered as the valid argument to choose Delany’s over Walsh’s.
To sum up, the author has collected various information but the quality of information is what matters the most in proving any valid point. But I totally disagree with the proclaims made by him. He has gathered vague statistics which can not be considered as the whole point to justify the statements made by the author. There are various other factors which author should have covered or should have given more thought on while collecting data, to prove his point valid.
- "When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last y 46
- "When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last y 58
- "Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom 55
- "Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number 59
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 456 350
No. of Characters: 2171 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.621 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.761 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.444 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.727 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.803 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.516 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.147 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 179, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: Some
...l Firm instead of Walsh Personnel Firm. Some of the employers itself hire these firms to he...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, moreover, regarding, second, so, therefore, third, thirdly, thus, whereas, while, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2294.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 456.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03070175439 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62105577807 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79250290668 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.438596491228 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 691.2 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 37.3502342697 57.8364921388 65% => OK
Chars per sentence: 91.76 119.503703932 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.24 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.24 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 16.0 4.67664670659 342% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.21135366466 0.218282227539 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0636180363896 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0584267616238 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.118172230326 0.128457276422 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0637134470867 0.0628817314937 101% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.4 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 48.3550499002 128% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 12.197005988 75% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.3 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.