63The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially."
In the argument, the president and administrative staff argue that Grove College should preserve its century-old tradition of all female education rather than admit men into its programs. And , he cites various evidence to bolster their argument. However, a closer analysis will show the otherwise. Thus, the president and administrative staff need to use more specific evidences to make the argument more sound.
First, the president needs to clarify the precise number of students who responding to the survey. This specific evidence result will play an essential role of deciding whether the investigate is believable or not. If there are only 20 students respond to the survey while thousands of students in the school. It is entire possible that the result of the survey cannot represent the entire students regarding that the whole amount of students in the school is huge. If the result is opposite, it will indeed strength the argument.
Second, like the first flaws in the argument, it is also necessary of us to know the number of alumnae who answered the another survey. This evidence, also, can go other direction. Besides, i think it is indispensable for us to get a survey result of the question that the reasons for high school students choosing Grove college. Because as we know, there are many factors that will play impact on our deciding to elect a school. Thus, it cannot be elude of the factor that a large part of students enroll in the college due to the school facilitates and good educational source there but rather the all female education.
Last but not the least, the presidents need to explain the way that will improve morale among students and the reason that alumnae to support the college financially. I wonder whether the all motivation and reason for students and alumnae proud of the school and support the college financially is because of the form of all female education. Because the argument contains no evidence to support it, it is entirely possible that even if the college transform to coeducation, the students and alumnae will remain do the things like before because the school's good education and great reputation in the city. In this point, the female education does not play such important role imagineing and aggregating by presidents.
In sum, to make the argument more sound and more strength, the author needs to cites specific evidences just like the things I mentioned to repair the flaws in the argument.
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Sentence: However, a closer analysis will show the otherwise.
Description: The fragment the otherwise . is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace otherwise with adjective
Sentence: First, the president needs to clarify the precise number of students who responding to the survey.
Description: A WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to who and responding
Sentence: If the result is opposite, it will indeed strength the argument.
Description: The fragment will indeed strength is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace strength with verb
Sentence: I wonder whether the all motivation and reason for students and alumnae proud of the school and support the college financially is because of the form of all female education.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, pre-quantifier
Suggestion: Refer to the and all
Sentence: In sum, to make the argument more sound and more strength, the author needs to cites specific evidences just like the things I mentioned to repair the flaws in the argument.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to to and cites
Sentence: In this point, the female education does not play such important role imagineing and aggregating by presidents.
Error: imagineing Suggestion: imagining
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 412 350
No. of Characters: 2009 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.505 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.876 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.571 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.684 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.426 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.323 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.545 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5