Argument:Our preliminary market survey showed that most residents of the city of Technoville are computer engineers.Opening a branch of our store,Computer Paradise,in the city will surely be a profitable move.

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Argument:
Our preliminary market survey showed that most residents of the city of Technoville are computer engineers.Opening a branch of our store,Computer Paradise,in the city will surely be a profitable move.

The author supposes that mere presence of computer engineers in technoville is a good indicator that the engineers would purchase computers from computer paradise.However mere the presence of computer engineers does not guarantee that the engineers will need to buy computers or more computer hardware and accessories.

Computer professionals working in IT firms may be given computers and other peripherals by their companies.Even if they are not,However,there might already be sufficient number of computer stores to cater to technoville's demand.Alternatively,the engineers may be purchasing computers online,Thus,For example,even if Technoville has 20,000 engineers,and half of them are supplied with computers and peripherals by their companies,and one quarter get their computers online,that leaves a market of only 5,000 engineers.Further,if there are already computer stores in technoville that cater to computer-related requirements,then hoe much of a market is left for computer paradise?Thus,the argument gives no data about demand and supply in technoville.

Therefore,more information about whether presence of computer engineers equates to higher demand and an unfulfilled demand must be provided so that we can get a better sense of the demand for computers and peripherals in technoville.

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2013-07-09 reetmoni 40 view
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flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
No. of Words: 203 350

Minimum 250 words wanted.

better to have 5 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion

Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 203 350
No. of Characters: 1097 1500
No. of Different Words: 109 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.775 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.404 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.034 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 86 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.123 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.875 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.499 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.662 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.205 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5