The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.
"In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve
profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The argument with recommendation that the owner should reduce operating expenses is rather weak. It is based on the premises that raising rental prices is not good to improve profits, that Last month our store in downtown Marston decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M., and that all movies released more than five years ago by reducing its stock. However, the logic is flawed and there are many questions remaining unanswered, as explained in the following paragraphs.
First, does the number of customers remain the same after the change of close time? There are high chances that people after work want to linger in the video rental stores, searching for the movies for relaxing. If it is the case, the customers visit the stores between 6:00 P.M. and 9:00 P.M. should be a lot, which results in the decease of customers, and, therefor, income with this policy. In the end, the total profits will decline, other than increasing. The answer should be provided in order to sustain the original recommendation.
Moreover, does the reducing-stock strategy affect the number of customers? Maybe not, but there is still possibility such that a part of the customers prefer to borrow vedios concerning movies released long time ago, at least more than five years ago, which in term will result in the decline of customers. Hence, the final consequence will on the contrary to the goal, that is, the eventual profits will remain the tendency of declining, assuming the answer to the question is no. The question should be explained explicitly in the argument in order to strengthen the recommendation.
In addition, will the income remain the same providing the owner adopt the recommendation, which includes a reduce-operating-expenses policy? The certification of the conclusion relies on the answer of the question. If yes is proved, then the boss should take it into consideration. On the other hand, what if no was the provided answer, such as the tighting-budget policy resulting in the disappointment or even hatred from the customers? In fact, the final conclusion will be false and the owner should seek anthor conselor.
In the end, the argument is very weak. However, if all three questions are answered, well and carefully, it will be greatly reinforced. As a result, it is hard to be accepted. There is no guarantee the recommendation is effective, think about it with care and caution.
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Sentence: If it is the case, the customers visit the stores between 6:00 P.M. and 9:00 P.M. should be a lot, which results in the decease of customers, and, therefor, income with this policy.
Error: therefor Suggestion: therefore
Sentence: In fact, the final conclusion will be false and the owner should seek anthor conselor.
Error: anthor Suggestion: author
Error: conselor Suggestion: counselor
flaws:
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.023 0.07
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 408 350
No. of Characters: 1967 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.494 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.821 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.919 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.773 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.5 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.023 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5