The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Albeit a group of developers in the city of Monroe has attempted to provide a wide range of reasons to persuade the authorities allocating them a small-business loan in order to run a local jazz music club in Monroe, the C-Note; the close scrutiny of the application’s contents reveals a few flaws which may deter them from achieving their purpose.
In the first place, they claim since the adjacent jazz club is 65 miles away, then they are decisively will profit from their local audience. Such causal prediction is tenuous as there is no solid evidence to prove that the new club can absorb more audience and perform better than the other club. Furthermore, citing that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer does not produce a cogent case that they will act the same in the future as it might have been a special occasion or offered a unique festival. While the residency of several famous jazz musicians is a privilege, but there is no testament to demonstrate who they are, who rate them as well-known jazz musicians or what awards they have been granted. Also, the popularity of “Jazz Nightly”, a radio program, is less likely to be associated with the matter of compelling the bank officials to devote the loan, because it might be merely a simple interest in jazz music as listeners to a radio program. In addition, relying on the result of national-wide survey suggesting that typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment is unreasonable because in this application there is no further details to unravel that this statistics is valid and reliable to be generalized to whole population of the nation and whether the Monroe was included as statistical sample.
In conclusion, although the developers strive to present sufficient evidence to gain a small-business loan for their prospective purpose, but they definitely require to reconsider their application and be more aware to provide further credible and germane proofs to be able to establish a concrete application in which all above mentioned assumption are ruled out, otherwise there is less chance for them for running a jazz music club in Monroe.
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Sentence: In the first place, they claim since the adjacent jazz club is 65 miles away, then they are decisively will profit from their local audience.
Description: The fragment are decisively will is rare
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 45.5 21.0
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
better to have 5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction.
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1782 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.896 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.765 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 45.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.452 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.875 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.421 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.59 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.129 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5