Topic-The following appeared in an editorial in the Bayside Sentinel."Bayside citizens need to consider raising local taxes if they want to see improvements in the bayside school district. Test scores, graduation and college admission rates, and a number

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Topic-
The following appeared in an editorial in the Bayside Sentinel.
"Bayside citizens need to consider raising local taxes if they want to see improvements in the bayside school district. Test scores, graduation and college admission rates, and a number of other indicators have long made it clear that the Bayside School District is doing a poor job educating our youth. Our schools look run down, Windows are broken, bathrooms unusable, and classrooms equipment hopelessly out of date. Yet just across the Bay, in New Harbor, school facilities are up-to-date and in good condition. The difference is money; New Harbor spends twenty-seven percent more per student than Bayside does, and the test scores and other indicators of student performance are stronger in New Harbor as well."

The editorial proposes that local taxes should be raised in order to improve the condition of Bayside District School (BDS) as it has displayed poor performance as compared to New Harbour School (NHS) across the Bay. The writer has compared the two schools on the basis of parameters such as student test scores, admission rates, school infrastructure and per student expenditure. It is finally concluded that the superior performance of NHS is due to its better monetry resources. Though writer presents some compelling points, a close inspection shows that his logic is flawed and consiquently the conclusion drawn is incorrect.

First of all low test scores by BDS students can have a number of alternative explainations. For example it is possible that the students intake of BDS is not as good as that of NHS. If students have weeker educational backgrounds, it would be wrong to blame low test scores on lack of money alone. Also it is not mentioned when were the grades of the two schools compared. If the two studies were conducted at different times, it would break the logic at its core. Similarly shortage of graduation and college admission rates can have other reasons. It is possible that the courses being offered at BDS do not interest the potential students or these courses have little practical value in getting a job. Article says that there are some other points in which NHS surpasses BDS. However as no details are provided, it is hard to believe that thoes shortcomings necessarily exist due to shortage of money. To agree with the writer's conclusion, solid evidence is needed so that all other posibilites, besides the monetry ones, are efectively excluded. This can be done by conducting comprehensive survey from existing and potential student. To sum up, the parameters presented are not convincing enough to coincide with the writers conclusion.

The author has noted the case of broken windows, unuseable bathrooms and outdated class room equipment in support of his conclusion to raise more tax money. Though the point looks stronger at its face, unfortunately it too can have a number of alternate explainations. For instance these observations might as well be caused by poor administration of the school. It is quite possible that school does not implement the rules and regulations strictly. This linency can result in mischivious behaviour from studnets which could have resulted in damages the writer has noted. A linenit administeration often results in lax staff performance which further detiriorates the situation. The school administrator may not have made the new equipment purchases even if there were no dearth of monetory resources. Corruption, too, can have a share in these poor conditions. Unless information about school administeration efficiency is provided, lack of facilities can not be the result of resources defficiency alone. Author should provide more information on these lines to make this argument more convincing.

The last point of the argument seems a bit stronger than the previous two but, unfortunately, not strong enough to be convincing; that NHS has better scores than BDS because it spends twenety-seven percent more per student. What if the better scores are due to inflated grades by the teachers? What if the tests at NHS were easier as compared to BDS? Wether the students prefer NHS over BDS due to its prestige and its professional courses or due to its better facilities? Unless these questions are answered, it is again a stretch to agree with the writer.
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In a nutshell, there are number of fallicies in the logic presented in this editorial. The lower performance of BDS can be explained by a number reasons other than the lack of money. AS writer has failed to provide substantial evidence that excludes all other possiblities, it is not possible to agree with his proposal to raise local taxes to improve the school performance.

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Comments

Sentence: It is finally concluded that the superior performance of NHS is due to its better monetry resources.
Error: monetry Suggestion: monetary

Sentence: Though writer presents some compelling points, a close inspection shows that his logic is flawed and consiquently the conclusion drawn is incorrect.
Error: consiquently Suggestion: consequently

Sentence: First of all low test scores by BDS students can have a number of alternative explainations.
Error: explainations Suggestion: explanations

Sentence: If students have weeker educational backgrounds, it would be wrong to blame low test scores on lack of money alone.
Error: weeker Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: However as no details are provided, it is hard to believe that thoes shortcomings necessarily exist due to shortage of money.
Error: thoes Suggestion: those

Sentence: To agree with the writer's conclusion, solid evidence is needed so that all other posibilites, besides the monetry ones, are efectively excluded.
Error: monetry Suggestion: monetary
Error: efectively Suggestion: effectively
Error: posibilites Suggestion: possibilities

Sentence: The author has noted the case of broken windows, unuseable bathrooms and outdated class room equipment in support of his conclusion to raise more tax money.
Error: unuseable Suggestion: unusable

Sentence: Though the point looks stronger at its face, unfortunately it too can have a number of alternate explainations.
Error: explainations Suggestion: explanations

Sentence: This linency can result in mischivious behaviour from studnets which could have resulted in damages the writer has noted.
Error: linency Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: mischivious Suggestion: mischievous
Error: studnets Suggestion: students

Sentence: A linenit administeration often results in lax staff performance which further detiriorates the situation.
Error: linenit Suggestion: linen
Error: administeration Suggestion: administration
Error: detiriorates Suggestion: deteriorates

Sentence: The school administrator may not have made the new equipment purchases even if there were no dearth of monetory resources.
Error: monetory Suggestion: monetary

Sentence: Unless information about school administeration efficiency is provided, lack of facilities can not be the result of resources defficiency alone.
Error: administeration Suggestion: administration
Error: defficiency Suggestion: deficiency

Sentence: In a nutshell, there are number of fallicies in the logic presented in this editorial.
Error: fallicies Suggestion: fallacies

Sentence: AS writer has failed to provide substantial evidence that excludes all other possiblities, it is not possible to agree with his proposal to raise local taxes to improve the school performance.
Error: possiblities Suggestion: possibilities

flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 21 2
No. of Words: 642 350 (write the essay in half an hour)

For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.

Argument 1 -- OK

Argument 2 -- OK

Argument 3 -- OK

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 21 2
No. of Sentences: 34 15
No. of Words: 642 350
No. of Characters: 3209 1500
No. of Different Words: 287 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.034 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.998 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.851 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 232 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 173 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 132 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 86 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.882 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.411 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.471 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.248 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.409 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5