People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
What determines the behavior of people? The statement above asserts that people's behavior is mostly determined by external forces rather than internal mind. However, the author largely neglects the power of self-determination and magnificent consequent accomplishments made by self-deciding people in history.
Current education systems emphasize to nurture independent human-beings. Since technology and social system grows in unprecedented ways, it became crucial to accomplish independent and self-deciding person as a component in a society. To live well off in a society, we are trained to figure out interests in our own and chase to develop the ability in order to pursue as a career. At post-secondary schools, students select curriculum based on their interests and future jobs, all by themselves. Then people choose their career path based on their aptitude and willingness to devote in that occupation.
Admittedly, from primary and secondary schools, we also taught to behave kindly and stick to social and legal rules. Based on "Social Contract" theory by John Locke, instilling social rules and justice to young students is considered to be crucial in terms of educating well-rounded citizens. When people commit crimes or misbehave to hurt other people, it is recognized that this would result in serious punishment such as put in jail or pay huge amount of compensation. Therefore, by limiting people's self-indulgence with strict social rules, the rest of people can stay healthy and safe from potential threats.
Yet the effect of limiting violent behaviors based on external social contract cannot fully illustrate other kinds of behavior that people conduct and achieve in their rest of lives. Creativity, for instance, is purely triggered by each individual. It is well-known that innate creativity is hard to be implanted by external education but only empowered or diminished from proper education. Many creative people in current time, such as technology and economic magnates, became the CEO or inventer of corporation and products for endless pursuit of interests and dreams in their own. A society cannot force a child to become creative and work hard in order to become an entrepreneur. Rather, individual's life decision is consummated by their own self-determination.
In conclusion, the statement suggests a limited explanation in delivering what makes people to behave in terms of outer forces. However, external enforcement only act as limiting factor in behavior to become a responsible social citizen. Rather, personal empowerment and excessive pursuit affect most of people's determination as a whole.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2020-01-20 | jason123 | 16 | view |
| 2020-01-16 | AC1990 | 54 | view |
| 2020-01-15 | stevewang1007 | 50 | view |
| 2020-01-13 | jason123 | 16 | view |
| 2020-01-03 | Navjot-kaur | 54 | view |
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Comments
My goal is to get 4.5 in
My goal is to get 4.5 in issue task.
I'm trying to be specific and logical as much as I can, but still it seems vague what I should do to improve in writing.
Looking forward to having comments on this, if possible.
Thank you!
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
For an issue essay, better to think it from TLPE:
T means time: As time goes by, 'internal' is over 'external'. //your argument 1 and argument 2
L means location: for example, people in different regions can still behave same with different rules.
P means people: for example, behavior is not only influenced by our past experiences, but also our emotions. So the 'forces' may not work sometimes.
E means event: //your argument 3
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You can apply TLPE to any other issue essays. and try to write 4 arguments during practice. In actual exam, you can apply 3/4 arguments easily.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 404 350
No. of Characters: 2189 1500
No. of Different Words: 232 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.483 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.418 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.098 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 187 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.238 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.348 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.524 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.071 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
That's such an inventive
That's such an inventive advice indeed.
I'll trying to keep in mind when I come up with ideas.
I really appreciated for your comment!
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'however', 'if', 'second', 'so', 'still', 'then', 'therefore', 'well', 'for instance', 'in conclusion', 'such as']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.269911504425 0.240241500013 112% => OK
Verbs: 0.143805309735 0.157235817809 91% => OK
Adjectives: 0.121681415929 0.0880659088768 138% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0398230088496 0.0497285424764 80% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0287610619469 0.0444667217837 65% => OK
Prepositions: 0.137168141593 0.12292977631 112% => OK
Participles: 0.0420353982301 0.0406280797675 103% => OK
Conjunctions: 3.20906939925 2.79330140395 115% => OK
Infinitives: 0.037610619469 0.030933414821 122% => OK
Particles: 0.00442477876106 0.0016655270985 266% => OK
Determiners: 0.0508849557522 0.0997080785238 51% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.00884955752212 0.0249443105267 35% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00663716814159 0.0148568991511 45% => Some subClauses wanted starting by 'Which, Who, What, Whom, Whose.....'
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2659.0 2732.02544248 97% => OK
No of words: 404.0 452.878318584 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 6.58168316832 6.0361032391 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48327461151 4.58838876751 98% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.475247524752 0.366273622748 130% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.339108910891 0.280924506359 121% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.259900990099 0.200843997647 129% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.175742574257 0.132149295362 133% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.20906939925 2.79330140395 115% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 219.290929204 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.581683168317 0.48968727796 119% => OK
Word variations: 69.4304047803 55.4138127331 125% => OK
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6194690265 102% => OK
Sentence length: 19.2380952381 23.380412469 82% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.8134965005 59.4972553346 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.619047619 141.124799967 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2380952381 23.380412469 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.619047619048 0.674092028746 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.94800884956 101% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.21349557522 0% => OK
Readability: 53.1489863272 51.4728631049 103% => OK
Elegance: 2.11458333333 1.64882698954 128% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.388756830958 0.391690518653 99% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.0827027785928 0.123202303941 67% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0641248338274 0.077325440228 83% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.48292055045 0.547984918172 88% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.123848327722 0.149214159877 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.136085901338 0.161403998019 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0607198265889 0.0892212321368 68% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.300682220425 0.385218514788 78% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.107113989489 0.0692045440612 155% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.260468836157 0.275328986314 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0227835833417 0.0653680567796 35% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 10.4325221239 153% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.30420353982 57% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88274336283 41% => OK
Positive topic words: 14.0 7.22455752212 194% => OK
Negative topic words: 3.0 3.66592920354 82% => OK
Neutral topic words: 1.0 2.70907079646 37% => OK
Total topic words: 18.0 13.5995575221 132% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.