Young people should be encouraged to pursue long term realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition

Social media has been encouraging young people to pursue a lucrative job, and those people who have earned a high salary job, they joined the trend and post more peicture about how their life looks awesome. Thus, young people become less patient working towards long term goal. They cling to have rewards immediately and proactively. While it is not irreasonable that people would chase short term goal, sometimes the long run, even though more arduous, juicer fruits can be havested.

Some industrys are famous about how much one can earn immediately if he or she join, while certain industrys are important but not instantly rewarding will atrophy. For example, the advance of science has been pushing the whole world forward. Scientists gain fame, huge salary rewards once they made progress, but such progress cannot be accomplished without years of effort. Noble Prizes almost always being awarded to people around sixty to eighty years old. More importantly is, some of their names are long-lasting even hundreds of years after they passed away. Newton, who found grvity, Tesla, who established connection between eletricity and magnetization, and Galieo, who claimed the Earth is not center of the world, are remembered by students who have learned fundamental physics. Consider the name of riches, does anyone remember who is the richest person in Medival? What about in 19 century?

The reward of a short run job has been extravagated by social media and flamboyant people. Such a job almost always comes with uncertainty and instability. The pictures were posted when those people got the money, but no words would be told when they are struggling. The mismatch of information represent viewers a misconception that chasing short turn profit will leads to long term satisfaction of material. While it's possible that some talented people can promogate such a short turn advantage, for most commons, the chance would not be available. Notwithstanding having the shining examples, the failed followers are completely forgotten.

Therefore, despite the inclination of chasing a immediate fame and recognition, young people should stay on a track that enable the viability of a long term reward. Although short term job appears from time to time, one should keep in mind that the availablity of short term lucrative jobs can vanish at anytime, and he or she should keep a vision for future.

Votes
Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 81, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'joins'.
Suggestion: joins
...h one can earn immediately if he or she join, while certain industrys are important ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 898, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'century' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'centuries'.
Suggestion: centuries
...est person in Medival? What about in 19 century? The reward of a short run job has...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 367, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'lead'
Suggestion: lead
...ion that chasing short turn profit will leads to long term satisfaction of material. ...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d followers are completely forgotten. Therefore, despite the inclination of ch...
^^^^
Line 7, column 48, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...ore, despite the inclination of chasing a immediate fame and recognition, young p...
^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, if, look, so, therefore, thus, while, for example

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.5258426966 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.4196629213 105% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 14.8657303371 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.3162921348 115% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 33.0505617978 61% => OK
Preposition: 35.0 58.6224719101 60% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2024.0 2235.4752809 91% => OK
No of words: 388.0 442.535393258 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.21649484536 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43821085614 4.55969084622 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66908167185 2.79657885939 95% => OK
Unique words: 233.0 215.323595506 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.600515463918 0.4932671777 122% => OK
syllable_count: 613.8 704.065955056 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 6.24550561798 32% => OK
Article: 6.0 4.99550561798 120% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.10617977528 161% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.77640449438 281% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.38483146067 23% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.2370786517 99% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 52.2821910405 60.3974514979 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.2 118.986275619 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.4 23.4991977007 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.7 5.21951772744 52% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 7.80617977528 64% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 10.2758426966 107% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 5.13820224719 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.83258426966 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.242796364765 0.243740707755 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0666128528638 0.0831039109588 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0768341700025 0.0758088955206 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.159618167651 0.150359130593 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0869202072423 0.0667264976115 130% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.1392134831 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.8420337079 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.1743820225 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.1639044944 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.89 8.38706741573 106% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 100.480337079 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.8971910112 92% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.7820224719 110% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.


Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.