After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement ?
Some young people choose occupations that pay high salaries, while others focus more on their passion and satisfaction. Personally, I strongly believe that choosing a career path they love is far more important due to several reasons.
When people pick their professions based on their talent and interest, they are more likely to have a stable and long-term career. Motivation and passion gained while working can help people to overcome difficulties. For example, a young graduate who becomes an computer program developer due to the interest in technology industry has a higher chance of restraining themselves from resigning during the career. Furthermore, staying in one occupation field can lead people to opportunities for training and promotions in the long-term.
In generally, stress gained from jobs are highly related to human’s mental health problems. Depression and anxiety can be displayed in some workers’ behaviour because they cannot manage these issues well while working in an unsatisfactory job. For instance, there are a large number of people who commit suicide every year after realising that the money is the only reason for working. As these people struggle find enjoyment and accomplishment in their jobs, their positions lead to the worst situation. Therefore, it is important for young people to pick a job they love in order to not suffer from mental health problems.
In conclusion, people tend to last longer in their jobs and have less chances of struggling from mental health issues, when they choose a job or career they love rather than that pays a good salary.
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Sentence: Therefore, it is important for young people to pick a job they love in order to not suffer from mental health problems.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a negator
Suggestion: Refer to to and not
Sentence: For instance, there are a large number of people who commit suicide every year after realising that the money is the only reason for working.
Error: realising Suggestion: realizing
flaws:
No. of Words: 257 350
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.045 0.07
'pays the best salary' doesn't mean they are going to have mental health problems or under depression. The essay is a little bit out of topic.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 257 350
No. of Characters: 1314 1500
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.004 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.113 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.648 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.417 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.37 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.582 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.045 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5