Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion.

Sentence: In a nutshell, after doing a great deal of thought and deliberations, I would assert that there is a great need to evolve affection among upcoming generationtowards national celebrations that is crucial to create a sense of unity to ensure betterment of the country
Description: The fragment national celebrations that is not usually followed by is
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace is with are

Sentence: As a result, installing the spirit of patriotism among youngesters seems 'far cry' for senior folk which further leads to less interst in national events.
Error: youngesters Suggestion: youngsters
Error: interst Suggestion: interest

Sentence: All of above, the disintigeration among relationships of community memebers may make it onerous for people to get togther to celebrate these events with harmony.
Error: disintigeration Suggestion: disintegration
Error: memebers Suggestion: members
Error: togther Suggestion: together

Sentence: On the contrary, personal events icluding dancing on dj floor, live singing and dancing concerts, delicious multi cuisines in a vintage restaurant to make thier personal achievements more memorable are considered more enjoyable instead of joining national ceromonies comprising declaimation contests, exhibitions of school children, flag hoisting ceremony etc. Consequently, the significance of national festivals is fading by and by with the passage of time.
Error: declaimation Suggestion: declaration
Error: icluding Suggestion: including
Error: thier Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: ceromonies Suggestion: ceremonies

Sentence: In a nutshell, after doing a great deal of thought and deliberations, I would assert that there is a great need to evolve affection among upcoming generationtowards national celebrations that is crucial to create a sense of unity to ensure betterment of the country
Error: generationtowards Suggestion: generation towards

flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 8.0 out of 9 (This essay can get 8.5 or over without spelling errors)
Category: Excellent Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 399 350
No. of Characters: 2146 1500
No. of Different Words: 244 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.469 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.378 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.027 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.692 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.613 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.585 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.049 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Tnk u very much sir
In last essay's evaluation u mentioned that spelling erors play a little role in the essay deserving 8.0+
So now u have mentioned that u could get 8.5 in my above essay without spelling erors...
May I know why I could not achieve 8.5 bands in my above essay ????