In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Nowadays, there are many ways to improve the learner’s skills. One of the ways is by suggesting them to get a job in their study’s time. Here in Indonesia, most of parents have asked their children to do some part time jobs during their studies. As a result, it brings them to learn earlier about adult’s lives and how to work when they are old in the future. In one side, this gives many benefits to the students who work before they continue their study to the higher level. However, it causes some new problems which disturb their focus to study.
Working during studying has many benefits for the young learner future’s lives. First of all, the students might prepare themselves for their next stage in their life. When they work in a job that adult usually do, it can be the jumping stage for them to learn more about adult’s lives. As a result, they will more be ready to reach the real life because they have learned abilities that they will need when they become adult. Secondly, students who work when they are studying could help themselves and their parents as well to pay for their education. With their salary, they can buy their necessary more than the other young learners who do not work. Also, their parents are helped to pay their education. As a result, both of students and their parents are benefited by this action.
However, young learners who join with a job during their study will get many problems. The main problem is they cannot focus on their study only. Their focus will be separated to many parts. As a result, they would not reach the maximum result in both of studying and working. Also, this gives the effects for their parents and themselves as well. Their parents will feel disappointed because their generation would not do the best. Also, they will feel shy to community around them. In the end, they cannot do the best on both of learning and making money.
In addition, several students who join with a job while they are studying are lost their spirit to study. It is because they already enjoy with their new world. They forget that they should study more rather than making money by working. As a result, many pupils cut their dream to get higher education that they have made when they were child.
In a nutshell, pupils who join with a job during their study will get much knowledge which will improve their ability. However, they should consider with their main goal to study and reach the highest education level. As a result, they will get maximum advantages by working during their study.
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Sentence: The main problem is they cannot focus on their study only.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to is and they
Sentence: As a result, many pupils cut their dream to get higher education that they have made when they were child.
Description: A verb 'to be', past tense, 2nd person singular or all is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to were and child
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.552 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.775 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 451 350
No. of Characters: 2033 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.608 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.508 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.013 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 43 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.552 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.775 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.517 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.45 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5