As a result of electronic inventions such as the television and computer, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant

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As a result of electronic inventions such as the television and computer, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

  Technology inventions are rising rapidly. It makes human life easier than before but people do not realize that technologies also carry negative impacts. Happening on television and computer consumers, they become comfort in their room so it delivers some problems in their health. Even though they have so many advantages, my personal opinion is the electronic invention bringing negative impacts from the users who use it overly.

  Since television and computer have been invented, they become important and useful equipments in human life. We can see many news from other countries directly from television without coming to the place and wait for long time. It also provides entertainments, movies, and reality shows. Beside that, Computer brings many merits to people. It helps businessmen, students, lecturers and governments to do their duties. So, those are proper that many people become depended them.

  While because of many interested things are provided by computer and television, people are more lazy to do something and go outside. Sometimes they are felt addicted, such as on-line game users. They always play that with computer and ignore for food, their family. In serious condition, most of them get illness, instead some player passed away in front of computer.

   In conclusion, every inventions of technologies bring positive and negative impacts for human life. This is our own decision, how to use our equipment technologies. If we use it carelessly and overly we will get bad impact, while if we consume it properly we will not get bad effect from the inventions.

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2014-02-24 Rahmi 60 view
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my personal opinion is the electronic invention bringing negative impacts from the users who use it overly.
my personal opinion is that the electronic inventions bring negative impacts to the users who use them overly.

because of many interested things are provided by computer and television,
because many interested things are provided by computer and television,

some player passed away in front of computer.
some players passed away in front of computer.

Sentence: So, those are proper that many people become depended them.
Description: A verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive is not usually followed by a verb, past tense
Suggestion: Refer to become and depended

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 254 350
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.941 21.0

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 254 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.992 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.098 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.587 2.4
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 6.131 7.5
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5