Because of falling birth rates and better healthcare, the world's population is getting steadily older and this trend is going to cause serious problems for society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It becomes a controversial these days whether the high proportion of aging population leads negative consequences to a society or not. Since the fast development of medical care and the low rate of fertility in the last century, the average world population has shifted to be much older ages. Consequently, most of older people extend their lifespan to live as long as they can, however some experts discuss that this change leads to several problems in the future. Personally, I totally agree that the aging population develops several issues to a society.
Firstly, the aging population in a nation has a huge impact on the stability of finance. The higher cost of health care services for elderly group is significantly high, requiring a huge subsidization from the government. Whereas the government might lack sufficient support from taxation as the fewer young population pay taxes. With the insufficient taxpayers, a nation could lead to financial crisis eventually.
Secondly, looking after the old is a high responsibility for the young. Nowadays, keeping the old to live longer is very expensive because of the higher cost of medications. For instance, some families have to spend half of their salaries in order to keep their vulnerable elders alive. Some young adults in a family sometimes have to sacrifice by leaving their jobs and take care of their severe ill elders closely.
Although the old who are professionals contribute their value to society by staying in their jobs longer, this trend actually affects to the decrease of job prospects for young graduates. This is because, some professional elders keep their positions and do not allow new younger professionals to get in their fields. Many young adults, especially who are high educated, have to face with the shortage of job market.
In conclusion, even though the medical technology assists human beings to have a longer life span, the trend to live longer creates several effects to the national financial status, an increase of duty for their descendants and the lack of job vacancies for new graduates. All of these reasons strongly support the idea why the aging population cause several impacts to society.
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Since the fast development of medical care and the low rate of fertility in the last century, the average world population has shifted to be much older ages.
because of the fast development of medical care and the low rate of fertility in the last century, the average world population has shifted to be much older ages.
some experts discuss that this change leads to several problems
Description: check books how to use 'discuss'
Sentence: All of these reasons strongly support the idea why the aging population cause several impacts to society.
Description: The fragment population cause several is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace cause with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
flaws:
The introduction is not developed smoothly always. You may change the pattern and make it simpler. read some sample essays to see how to make good introductions:
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 357 350
No. of Characters: 1795 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.347 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.028 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.743 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 130 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.412 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.572 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.068 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5