Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
An ever increasing number of people, thanks to globalization, travel from one part of the world to another for the purpose of sightseeing and to learn about manifold cultures. On the contrary, some people argue that it is a drastic loss of time and money. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and opine my view.
To begin with, there are powerful reasons to support the notion that, numerous tours and travels have a detrimental impact on an individual’s budget and time. First and foremost, most people from developing countries gets a remuneration, which could be affordable only for their family’s day-to-day expenses. Hence, if these kind of people aims for a lot of excursions, then the economic consequences related to it would be devastating. Secondly, frequent voyages will have an adverse effect on a child’s education and the corresponding financial investments. For instance, people spend loads of money for their young one’s education by nudging them in reputed schools and tuition. After all these, if the parents take their children to multiple outings, then due to successive intervals, most children may loose the necessary concentration on studies. If it happens, then the cash invested in education and also in trips would be completely useless.
On the other hand, traveling to places, which have a strong cultural traditions, do have its lucrative advantages. Perhaps, the most important one to cherish is the possibility of gaining knowledge on various cultures and traditions across the country. When people come across other cultures, their understanding about the world widens and it enlightens the mind. Owing to this, controversies related to religious and caste differences may decline to a greater extent. Further, in today’s materialistic world, men work day and night to earn money for leading a prosperous life. Due to these hectic jobs, they suffer from hypertension and heart diseases. Consequently, to escape from this stressful world, people tend to travel to sites, which are filled with beautiful sceneries and temples, where they could find inner peace.
To sum up, I would concede that consecutive expeditions, does come with some deleterious impacts. Despite that, the benefits created by it far outweigh its disadvantages. Hence, I opine that, people who travel at a moderate span of time rather than frequent trips, will have a positive impact on their health and could enhance their grasp on mankind’s countless cultures and traditions.
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Comments
Could you please suggest to
Could you please suggest to improve my score. Where am I lacking?
If you read the essay
If you read the essay carefully, you can figure out that most of sentences have the subject 'people'. More sentences varieties wanted.
'Coherence is low' means that the sentences are not developed smoothly. try this pattern which may have better coherence:
paragraph 1: introduction. Your ideas/opinions here.
paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...
paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. reason 1 + why reason 1 + example for reason 1 + a small conclusion for reason 1.
paragraph 4: In addition, reason 2 + why reason 2 + example for reason 2+ a small conclusion for reason 2.
paragraph 5: conclusion.
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most people from developing countries gets a remuneration,
most people from developing countries get a remuneration,
if these kind of people aims for a lot of excursions
if these kind of people aim for a lot of excursions
most children may loose the necessary concentration
most children may lose the necessary concentration
flaws:
1. No. of Words: 400 while No. of Different Words: 234
We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
2.
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.266 0.35
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.025 0.07
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 400 350
No. of Characters: 2042 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.472 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.105 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.786 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.025 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.266 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.451 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.025 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5