Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children’s dev

Nowadays, not only has become technology an integral part of adults' daily life but also children use television and video games as their recreation. Following that, the controversial question which arises here is: What is the better option for children's development? Computer games or outsides activities? Some people are inclined to the notion that playing with simple toys and hang out with friends would be a superior choice for children's growth. Since playing outside with friends can help them to be more sociable, and it improves their physical health, to the best of my knowledge, I firmly agree with this statement.
The first vital point to bear in mind is that socialization is a crucial skill which everyone needs to learn in the early years of life. It will be hard to develop this skill unless children participate in society, find friends, and play games with them. When children interact with each other, they learn ways of better communication. For instance, consider a child who wanted to join a new group of friends. She would try to attract the group members' attention by showing their common interest on a subject such as being a fan of the same football team. As a result, she would learn this ability and improve it step by step. Later, when she grew up, she would know how she can become a member of a big company she likes.
The second noteworthy reason is that doing outside activities has a great influence on children’s physical health. These days, obesity has become a severe problem in developed societies. Studies show that near the half of children whose age between 5 to 10 are overweight. One of the reasons which can cause this phenomenon is that children have become more interested in indoor entertainment such as video games which do not include much physical activity. Although some people believed that it is not a big deal, and children will lose weight when they grow up; some children suffer from serious disease attributed to being fat. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, my cousin is a ten-year-old child who spends much of his time on playing video games, he has around 70 kilograms weight which is abnormally high for a boy in his age. Unfortunately, because of insufficient physical activities now he is suffering from diabetes at this young age. I think, if he had done more outdoor activities, he has presumably been in a healthier condition.
Thus, with the above in mind, playing outside with friends will promote children's sociability and improve their physical health. Consequently, it is highly recommended that parents encourage their children to perform more outside activities and participate more in outdoor games with their friends.

Votes
Average: 9 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 311, Rule ID: LEARN_NNNNS_ON_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to'?
Suggestion: to
...teract with each other, they learn ways of better communication. For instance, con...
^^
Line 2, column 445, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'members'' or 'member's'?
Suggestion: members'; member's
...nds. She would try to attract the group members attention by showing their common inter...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, if, second, so, thus, for instance, i think, such as, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 43.0788530466 118% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 52.1666666667 121% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2318.0 1977.66487455 117% => OK
No of words: 467.0 407.700716846 115% => OK
Chars per words: 4.96359743041 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64867537961 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73358901992 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 259.0 212.727598566 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.55460385439 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 701.1 618.680645161 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.2031691169 48.9658058833 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.782608696 100.406767564 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.3043478261 20.6045352989 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.21739130435 5.45110844103 77% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.330541188921 0.236089414692 140% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0903270073493 0.076458572812 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.081525164212 0.0737576698707 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.219295617889 0.150856017488 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0959770265558 0.0645574589148 149% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 11.7677419355 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 10.9000537634 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.87 8.01818996416 98% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 86.8835125448 110% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.