Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment – doing things they like to do – rather than doing things they should do.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
A plethora of people are in the conviction that nowadays people suffering lack of the time to spend it for their entertainment. Others, on the other hands, take a radically different point of view and claim that not only people do not suffer tough schedule, but also they have better chance to entertain themselves. I tend to lodge myself somewhere between the two positions and accept this claim generally. The ensuing paragraphs will cogently substantiate my perspective.
The first reason which persuades me to advocate this statement is the alternation of lifestyle. Individual's life pattern experiences different changes based on the morality development of the society; in addition, their life style obtain different definition. Based upon the todays' pattern and definition, individual considers as a vital element in the society. In this scenario, preparing each person's desire, aim, and satisfaction are a crucial duty for any society. If an individual satisfies and prefers to spend his time on personal enjoyment, there is no any barrier to obstacle this situation. Moreover, society has to provide this condition to convince its member. In contrast, at the past society’s standards were based on the group or the authority. Their satisfaction consider as the whole convince and people do not have this freedom to device about their pleasure and enjoyment.
The second factor which makes me to align my viewpoint with this statement is the amplification of the entertainment facilities in comparison with the pasts. Nowadays, there are different varieties of the entertainment facilities, which are responsible for people's enjoyment. These facilities can be listed as cultural, sportive, and artistic. Each of these categories renders their function in the different scales to be appropriate with people's financial budget. For instance, at the cultural activity, which contain wide range of the facilities like museum, cinema, different kinds of the fairs, and public broadcasting, the public broadcasting like TV as a cheapest alternative provide broad series of the program to entertain its audience. Which in the comparison to the past, people do not have this chance to experience these kinds of the pleasures.
However, what I alluded to in the previous paragraphs should not be overgeneralized. That is, today’s people have difficulty to agenda their program for their enjoyment. Not all people are capable to spend the most of their time for enjoyment. In fact, there are several factors, which restrain people to enjoy their time. One of these hinders is the current's working pace. Present's economic crisis forces the individual to work assiduously to gain more money or even in more critical condition not to lose his position. In this case, he spends most of his time for gaining money; in addition, his free times are scarce to plan it for his enjoyment. That is why put some doubt about this claim's accuracy.
Taking all these factors into account, one can surmise that nowadays based on the tough program, people encounter the scarcity of time to enjoy their life; however, the development of the life pattern and board range of the facilities ease the life to bask the variety of the entertainment at the best quality. In other words, in this day and age people can take pleasure from different facilities at the high level of quality, which outweighs the scarcity of time spend for them.
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people suffering lack of the time to spend it for their entertainment.
people are suffering lack of the time to spend it for their entertainment.
not only people do not suffer tough schedule, but also they have better
Description: don't use 'not only..not...'. You can use 'neither...nor' or 'either...or'
preparing each person's desire, aim, and satisfaction are a crucial duty
preparing each person's desire, aim, and satisfaction is a crucial duty
Sentence: Their satisfaction consider as the whole convince and people do not have this freedom to device about their pleasure and enjoyment.
Description: The fragment satisfaction consider as is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace consider with verb, past tense
Sentence: Each of these categories renders their function in the different scales to be appropriate with people's financial budget.
Description: The fragment categories renders their is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace renders with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: For instance, at the cultural activity, which contain wide range of the facilities like museum, cinema, different kinds of the fairs, and public broadcasting, the public broadcasting like TV as a cheapest alternative provide broad series of the program to entertain its audience.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to a and cheapest
Sentence: That is, today's people have difficulty to agenda their program for their enjoyment.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to agenda and their
which outweighs the scarcity of time spend for them.
which outweighs the scarcity of time spending for them.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 551 350
No. of Characters: 2801 1500
No. of Different Words: 267 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.845 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.083 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.769 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 161 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 122 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 82 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.679 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.993 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.464 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.258 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.446 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5