Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment(they do what they enjoy) rather than doing things they should do.
Have you ever thought about advantages of personal enjoyment? Do you really think that today's people are paying enough attention to this issue? I wholeheartedly believe that these days people are not Doing the things they enjoy. There are many reasons that substantiate my opinion and I will explore a few of the most important ones here. First, Education is too important for young adults plus, people are too busy with their jobs. Lastly, these days people are not living for themselves.
Underestimating the significance of education impact on people is not logical. Have people realized the value of time they are spending on education, they would have focused on this issue much more meticulously. It is axiomatic that educated people are more respected in society and this social respect is a rigorous incentive to get higher academic degree. With this in mind, I believe, today's people are too busy with education that they do not have time to attend to what they enjoy. A prime example of my own story may shed some light on this issue. whole my life, I liked to learn playing piano and I enjoy it more than every thing in my life since I was too busy studying all my life, I have never done this thing.
Having discuss the issue from that point of view, I would rather discuss it from another perspective. No one can deny that these days people are too busy working and making money that they do not have time to make some happy moments for themselves and enjoy the life. Dr Pour Sharifi, my psychology professor, in addition a highly-educated person stated that if people will work fewer hours and do not pay this much attention for making money they may live happier and healthier. Taken as an example, most of the old people are regretted the way they lived and they say that they were too busy making money that they never enjoyed life moments and never payed enough attention to their significant other.
Apart from what I have mentioned above, another factor that should be taken into consideration is the life reasons of today's people. these days, people are not living for themselves. Most of them are living for their families and friends. It is crystal clear that with this kind of thinking they will not do what they enjoy instead, they will do what other people are approving. According to a recent opinion poll which was held in psychology department of Tabriz university, about sixty percent of participants believed that they are really living for other people rather than living for themselves.
Putting all above-mentioned factors into consideration, the following conclusion can be drown about the topic. I disagree with the statement because of few reasons. people are to busy with their work and education that they do not have time to do what they enjoy plus they are really concerned about what others may think about them so most of them are living because of others approval.
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2015-01-02 | soheila.sh | 50 | view |
2014-12-30 | soheila.sh | 50 | view |
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flaws:
The essay is not exactly right on the topic. The topic is:
people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do.
while you wrote:
these days people are not Doing the things they enjoy.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 503 350
No. of Characters: 2364 1500
No. of Different Words: 216 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.736 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.7 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.425 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.952 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.276 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.429 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.345 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5