Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

Today, advertisements are an integral part of television programs. Every time you turn on the TV, you will encounter a mass of advertisements persuading people to buy their commodity or use their method. Their audiences are all people watching TV containing children and adults. The question arises here is whether they should been allowed to be made for young children. In my vantage point, they are so harmful for the children both during their childish time and adulthood.

Children do not have a sufficient knowledge to choose their own goodness. They do what they want without considering its merits or drawbacks. This feature makes them vulnerable to the TV advertising that only considers their own success. For example, they tempt children to eat useless foods such as chips without considering whether this is good for their health or not. Therefore, the child wants to eat chips and they do not care what their parents say about their harmful effects. As a result, they become fatter with lack of necessary nutrients needed for a normal growth. The concerning obesity in today world is the result of the irresponsible advertising.

Advertisements not only influence the children habits in their childhood, but affect them for the entire life. Every day we see a lot of fashion shows and advertising in different TV programs. These programs have an important message for kids. Be as thin as possible for the girls and build your body with huge muscles if you are a boy. This will shape their ideal person just on physical abilities and not on their behavior. When those children become a young person or an adult and they are not in their supposed physical condition, they will suffer a lack of self-confidence. They dismiss their moral and behavioral values and only see their physical deficiencies based on their deep-rooted mentality which was shaped by TV advertising several years ago.

To sum up, I believe that TV advertising toward young children should not be allowed because of the harmful effects on their childhood and adulthood life such as overweight and lack of self-confidence. Some regulations should be enacted to limit the advertising for young children and let them be educated by their parents who are sympathetic and concerned about their children’s future.

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or use their method.
or use their methods.

whether they should been allowed
whether they should be allowed

Sentence: The concerning obesity in today world is the result of the irresponsible advertising.
Description: An article is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to The and concerning

Sentence: Advertisements not only influence the children habits in their childhood, but affect them for the entire life.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and habits

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 378 350
No. of Characters: 1878 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.409 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.968 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.767 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 98 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.676 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.451 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5