If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change?

Essay topics:

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change?

Improvement of our hometown is one of the important dreams which we think about. Some people believe that more shopping centers and recreation centers can improve our hometown, while others assert that more residents can change the face of our hometown dramatically. However both of viewpoints are correct, I think public transportation is more important because it can attract more investors and more residents and decrease pollution and traffic jams.

First of all, most people prefer to use public transportation instead of their own cars because gas price is expensive and it is more economical to use public transportation. Less pollution and traffic jams are two important advantages of public transportation which can improve residents’ health and save their time and money. For example, I have to drive more than two hours to arrive the university and after breathing polluted air, my migraine becomes worse. So, public transportation can play a vital role in the increase of quality of our hometown.

Moreover, public transportation encourages people to reside in our hometown and the increase of residents has a lot of advantages. A crowded city has a lot of man power and fresh workers can fulfill vacant job positions and create more jobs opportunities. For instance, when I was nine years old, we moved to a new city with 10000 residents. After two years, municipality built a huge highway in our hometown and more people came there to live and work. On the other hand, public transportation became the chief way of transportation and subsequently the crowd of people reached 150000. This experience taught me public transportation is necessary for cities and towns.

Furthermore, investors establish shopping centers and theater centers wherever public transportation is the main method of transportation and there are a lot of residents. If they build a shopping center in a vacant area, nobody will go there or buy any product. In the former example, after three years some investors built a lot of huge malls and recreation centers and people bought their goods from new shopping center instead of driving to next city and use their malls. Therefore, since public transportation attracts more investors, it can improve my hometown.

All in all, if I had a chance to change my hometown, I would develop public transportation because some other good changes come after it. More residents and shopping centers and less pollution and traffics are some advantages of public transportation. Although some people may ignore its benefits, I recommend government to invest on public transportation like metro and bus instead of construction of giant highways.

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A crowded city has a lot of man power and fresh workers can fulfill vacant job positions and create more jobs opportunities.
A crowded city has a lot of man power, and fresh workers can fulfill vacant job positions and create more job opportunities.

flaws:
1. Don't make something new in the conclusion:
I recommend government to invest on public transportation like metro and bus instead of construction of giant highways.

you never talked about 'highways' in the essay body.

The conclusion should be simple and clear. Like:

Because of above mentioned reasons, I support to develop public transportation.

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2. No. of Words: 429 while No. of Different Words: 206

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 429 350
No. of Characters: 2195 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.551 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.117 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.99 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 163 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.45 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.136 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.369 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5