Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems.
No one can deny that the internet supplies a huge amount of information for everybody. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that accessibility to an extensive source of information is lucrative and useful whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that vast information can pose acute problems. In my humble opinion, published information in the internet is worthwhile because it broadens every individual's knowledge - considering diversity and accessibility of the information. What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint.
The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that the diversity of the online information broadens the knowledge. That is to say, everyone can search the internet and find different subjects that he needs. For example, my friend was working on a project that required various information about politics, history, and economics that she had to travel to several universities in different cities to achieve the sources she needed. However, she obtained all the data by searching the internet. Therefore, a lot of diverse online information leads to breadth of knowledge.
Another equally important reason is that we have whatever we want all together. This means that we do not need to consult many books or any other resources to find the answer and solve our problem. Besides providing services by the internet that make all data that we need easily accessible, information in the internet is very comprehensive that students can obtain all recent and old articles. This is while the books or other resources may not embrace new subjects and discussions. Thus, vast knowledge over the internet collects all the information that we require in one place.
The other side of the coin, however, is reliability. Regarding to the excessive amount of articles spread through the internet, there may be some pieces of spurious information that mislead their readers. However, the invalid documents are distinguishable from valid ones because the original websites related to trustworthy institutions publish genuine data. Therefore, unreliability is not a real problem.
Decisively, if one weighs the aforementioned merits and demerits of online information, one soon realizes that the excessive amount of data provided through the internet is valuable and lucrative since it brings diversity and breadth of knowledge along with widespread accessibility to required information. In fact, although there may be some unreliable websites, the trustworthy data provided by authentic institutions are discernible, diverse, accessible, and comprehensive.
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Comments
The prompt is about
The prompt is about accessibility to huge amount of information, and not the internet itself, isn't it? That's why I speak about distinguishing authentic and unauthentic data through the internet. Should I change it to the disadvantages of internet?
The reasons are all OK, no
The reasons are all OK, no problem.
We mean to get better marks, you can improve the structure of the essay from:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
to
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: some comparisons to the opposite side.
para 5: conclusion.
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Let us know if you didn't get the point.
Oh... I get the point now.
Oh... I get the point now. Thank you very much.
What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint.
What follows is the elaboration of my viewpoint.
flaws:
The fourth paragraph should talk about the problems created by Internet, however, there are solutions to overcome them.
Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages/disadvantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ....
Para 5: Conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 398 350
No. of Characters: 2170 1500
No. of Different Words: 207 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.467 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.452 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.027 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 176 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 109 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 70 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.009 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.312 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5