TPO21 – Independent: A/D? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
There are several approaches to succeed in a business - including social relationship, knowledge, experience, and the like. In my vantage point, the ability of relating well to people in your future job will bring in prosperity because you can persuade your customers and have a teamwork. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective.
The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that the relationship is useful to interact with the customers much better. That is to say, any company provides some services or goods that the producer needs to communicate with the customers to urge them buying the products. Even the relationship between the salesperson and the consumers is considered an important factor in marketing schools and several methods are developed to improve this relationship.
Furthermore, the interaction is not limited only to customers, but the co-workers. In fact, the better the colleagues communicate, the more the business prospers because they work as a team that leads to better results in the job. An empirical study comparing two groups of people doing one work indicates that the people who helped each other finished the job sooner and gained much better results in comparison to the group of people who did the job solely. Therefore, good communication can affect the group work and make the business succeed.
Admittedly, studying hard plays an important role in prospering in a future job because you need to have enough knowledge in your major to do your tasks. For example, you need to learn about accounting, investment, and finance in school if you are working as a financial manager of a company. However, I still believe that good relationship outweighs studying hard in school to succeed in your job because a good communication can makes you use your information efficiently.
By and large, the ability to express yourself to people can improve a business achievements because it encourages the consumers to purchase the goods and services produced by the company and leads to a teamwork among staff which, in turn, causes successful job results.
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Sentence: However, I still believe that good relationship outweighs studying hard in school to succeed in your job because a good communication can makes you use your information efficiently.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to can and makes
flaws:
Need to give reasons to argue why you think so:
However, I still believe that good relationship outweighs studying hard in school to succeed in your job because a good communication can makes you use your information efficiently.
better like this:
However, good knowledge may not change to the company benefit if the person can't communicate well to customers; second, the person may not get the opportunity to show off the knowledge if he/she had a bad relationship with colleagues.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 343 350
No. of Characters: 1730 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.304 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.044 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.855 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.387 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.619 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5