Some people believe that for success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Therefore, they just focus on expanding their relationship and forget that knowledge is the key to open many doors even it is the door to a close, mutually supportive relationship with others. So I strongly disagree with that opinion that only concentrates on relating well to people but instead I think studying hard in school is a fundamental factor and good networking is just a subordinate factor.
The main reason is that knowledge is the foundation to access to any future jobs. Without it, you can unable to perform your desirable job no matter how a good relationship with others you have. For example, I am working as a Business Consultant now and this job requires me a lot of business knowledge related to Marketing, Finance, Market Research and so on. And at the beginning, to obtain this job, I have to prove myself that I have the understanding of all those fields based on my good performance on all the subjects relevant to those areas. And after that, to maintain this job, I really utilize all of the things I have learned in school to apply them to real business situations. I believe that if I only have the ability to relate well to people, it is impossible for me to understand the implication of market movement, the strategies that the companies use and many different things.
In addition, I also claim that knowledge is the key to relate well to others. Because when we talk with others and build a relationship with them, you have to show that you are a useful person who can add some value to others making friend with you. For example, my current manager who is very good at building up the close connection with clients, he taught me that if you want the others to respect you, appreciate you and exchange value with you, you have to provide your own unique value first, to make them feel that you are deserved to make friend with. Based on it, you will have a win-win relationship and it will endurable for long afterward. So studying hard to enhance your value should be the first step that needs to focus on and then develop the ability to relate well to people.
In sum, I believe than the ability to relate well to people will not be as important for success in the future job as studying hard in school to get knowledge and skills. Because hard studying is not only helping us to get the knowledge, expertise which is really necessary for carrying out the job but also it will build the bridge to connect with other people to get a win-win result. So in my opinion, studying hard will be my priority when I perform in school.
- TPO-23 - Integrated Writing Task 78
- TPO-23 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement?In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.Use specific reasons and 76
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 70
- TPO22 - Integrated TOEFL essay 73
- TPO21 – Independent: A/D? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. 73
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 606, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... to maintain this job, I really utilize all of the things I have learned in school to appl...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 876, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...e strategies that the companies use and many different things. In addition, I also claim t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, really, so, then, therefore, well, for example, i think, in addition, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 15.1003584229 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 68.0 43.0788530466 158% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 73.0 52.1666666667 140% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2222.0 1977.66487455 112% => OK
No of words: 488.0 407.700716846 120% => OK
Chars per words: 4.55327868852 4.8611393121 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70007681154 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55496878516 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 213.0 212.727598566 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.436475409836 0.524837075471 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 702.0 618.680645161 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 28.0 20.1344086022 139% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 59.3789076296 48.9658058833 121% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.705882353 100.406767564 130% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.7058823529 20.6045352989 139% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.17647058824 5.45110844103 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.334792232679 0.236089414692 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.145361602329 0.076458572812 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.203964157125 0.0737576698707 277% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.257143224041 0.150856017488 170% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.153898488678 0.0645574589148 238% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 11.7677419355 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.98 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.8 10.1575268817 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.7 10.9000537634 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.65 8.01818996416 95% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 86.8835125448 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 10.0537634409 131% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.