Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 8: Agree or disagree? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

Advertisement becomes very effectiveof for selling products. Nowadays people adopt different kinds of strategy to advertise their products such as newspapers, billboards or televisions. Those advertisements have both some advantage and some disadvantage. Some people think that television advertising directed towards young children such as aged two to five should not be allowed whereas, others think that television advertise is for all kinds of people including young children. In my opinion, I think television advertising directed towards young children should not be allowed.

First of all, in the early age, children learn what they see or what they listen. It is very important to give them a safe environment to grow up. It is the parent's duty to provide a safe and healthy environment. Sometimes, television advertises some kinds of thing that are not appropriate for children such as adult products, other cultures, or a dress-up that is not well. So, If they see bad things like these, which is not appropriate for them, that will hamper their growth. For instance, I can provide an appropriate example of how television influence behavior. My younger brother and one of my cousins are the same age. However, they grew up in a different situation. My brother was lived with our family and always taken care of by my mother. So, when he grew up in a good manner. But, my cousin grew up alone as his mother and father worked a lot. So, the watched television a lot and sometimes, in his early childhood he used to buy adult products. For this reason, his mental growth hampered seriously.

Second, an advertisement company should not make advertisement for children. Young children can see and listen but, they do know what is the meaning of them. So, If a company wants to sell a product the should concentrate more on parents and advertise more information about their products. For instance, babies have no idea what lotion is good and what are the consequences of using them. It is their parents who decide which lotion they use for their babies.

In conclusion, Television advertiser should more focus on content and the product and consider the negative and positive consequences of their product. They should stop making advertising targeting babies or young children.

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Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 158, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'parents'' or 'parent's'?
Suggestion: parents'; parent's
... safe environment to grow up. It is the parents duty to provide a safe and healthy envi...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 754, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[4]
Message: “So , when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... and always taken care of by my mother. So, when he grew up in a good manner. But, my co...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, second, so, well, whereas, for instance, i think, in conclusion, such as, first of all, in my opinion

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 9.8082437276 92% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 13.8261648746 123% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 43.0788530466 97% => OK
Preposition: 34.0 52.1666666667 65% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1920.0 1977.66487455 97% => OK
No of words: 377.0 407.700716846 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.09283819629 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4064143971 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84983606896 2.67179642975 107% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 212.727598566 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.506631299735 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 590.4 618.680645161 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 20.1344086022 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.0304472313 48.9658058833 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 76.8 100.406767564 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.08 20.6045352989 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.04 5.45110844103 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.88709677419 246% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.255922685443 0.236089414692 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0724007916347 0.076458572812 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.112290846736 0.0737576698707 152% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.183348570111 0.150856017488 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.121852180554 0.0645574589148 189% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.1 11.7677419355 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.25 58.1214874552 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.65 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.61 8.01818996416 95% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 86.8835125448 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.0537634409 80% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.