the opinion of celebrities is more important to young people rather than older people

Essay topics:

the opinion of celebrities is more important to young people rather than older people.

Nowadays, the youngsters like to pursue celebrities more than the olds. With this regards, while some people hold on the opinion that young individuals are more interested in following well-known people, others believe that older people chase them more. As far as I am concerned, the youngsters get more involved in the celebrities' lives because not only do the considers them as their ideal heroes, but they also want to have a hobby like following popular people' thoughts. In the following, I will elaborate on my reasons.
First and foremost, young persons like to know about famous people's opinions because they can learn any information from them. With this keep into mind, many reputed people experienced many hard times and became accomplished in order to be known and they have a lot to say. As a result, young people who want to e successful in their lives want to learn them and use it in their lives, too. Take my personal experience as an example. I remember when I was in high school and just wanted to be an actress, as a famous person. Liking to be an actress makes me follow the successful ones due to the way that they have passed. By listening to their interviews and their point of view about the difficulties that they are facing, I decided to change my idea. In fact, I understood that being famous is not as easy as what I think. Had I not listened to their talks, I would not have understood the challenges of being well-known. For example, it is really hard for them to have their private life, many gossips are about them, and they will be forgotten if they do not work well.
Secondly, knowing the celebrities' ideas work as a hobby. By considering this point of view, many teenagers like to know the atmosphere of their lives and talk about them with their friends. As a matter of fact, they want to share something up-to-date in order to pass their times. For instance, when one of the Iranian actors talked about his high school periods when he did not want to study and how he changed his idea to be an actor, many teenagers talked about them with their friends. In fact, some of them change their major in order to the one which is interested in. If the famous people who have more influence on people advise others to follow their dreams as him, people will more believe him compare to the situation that a teacher or a parent say. Because they know that he has done this to catch his dreams.
All in all, by considering all reasons and describes mentioned before, the celebrities’ opinions are more significant for the youngsters comparing to older people because they listened to them more and see this as a hobby. The more successful the well-known person is, the more people would like to believe his ideas. At last, who can ignore the influence of celebrities on teenagers?

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Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 78, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ue celebrities more than the olds. With this regards, while some people hold on the ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 761, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...tuation that a teacher or a parent say. Because they know that he has done this to catc...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, really, second, secondly, so, well, while, for example, for instance, i think, in fact, as a matter of fact, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 15.1003584229 106% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 9.8082437276 71% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 69.0 43.0788530466 160% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 77.0 52.1666666667 148% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 8.0752688172 74% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2319.0 1977.66487455 117% => OK
No of words: 501.0 407.700716846 123% => OK
Chars per words: 4.62874251497 4.8611393121 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.54024620568 2.67179642975 95% => OK
Unique words: 224.0 212.727598566 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.447105788423 0.524837075471 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 720.9 618.680645161 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 3.51792114695 227% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.94265232975 182% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 20.6003584229 117% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.9765895757 48.9658058833 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 96.625 100.406767564 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.875 20.6045352989 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.91666666667 5.45110844103 109% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.206161684214 0.236089414692 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0633219168215 0.076458572812 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0882307270233 0.0737576698707 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.177852039421 0.150856017488 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.11681895564 0.0645574589148 181% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.8 11.7677419355 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 68.1 58.1214874552 117% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 10.1575268817 86% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.57 10.9000537634 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.34 8.01818996416 92% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 86.8835125448 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.