Sample TOEFL essay: After they complete their university studies, some students live in their hometowns. Others live in different towns and cities. Which do you think is beterr? Give reasons for your answer.

Essay topics

As the development of high-advanced technology and multiple transportation, it’s easier for people to leave their hometown and work in another country. However, some freshly graduated students still prefer to work in their hometowns for different reasons. In my own opinion, working in my grown area is a better choice.

Obviously, people have already better-established their social network in their hometown than outside, which will be a good starting point for their career. The advice and assistance from their friends, relatives or neighbors will be important for a freshman to better tackle with kinds of difficulties arose in their first job. For example, when I firstly got a chance to introduce a product to an important customer in my first job, I was so nervous because of my less experience. I immediately come to the house of my older cousin and seek advice from him, who has been a product manager for around 3 years. Luckily, with his sharing experience and advice, the customer was very satisfactory with my presentation and placed the order without any hesitance.

Besides, students could save more money if they live in their hometown. For fresh graduates without high salaries, living with their parents could definitely reduce their daily expenditure like house renting fees. For example, my older sister has lived in the home place with her parents for around 3 years since her college graduation. She need not afford much money for renting a studio or share a 2-room house with another 3-4 students with crowded living area but less money. On the contrary, she saved lots of money and started to afford her first house this summer.

Last but not least, living in hometown means much more family time. People enjoying family time would prefer to stay around their parents in their hometown. For example, I have lived in my home place since my college graduation and I enjoy the barbecue time with my parents every weekend. We shared what we saw and what we heard with each other and also the fabulous roast meat, which would not be possible if I lived another country.

Overall, I think living in the hometown is a better choice for the fresh graduates. Living in the hometown does not necessarily correlate with less opportunity or boring life, but might offer a better starting career point, save more money and bring with more family time. All of the above could make the freshman much prepared for their future challenge.

Votes
Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 347, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: People
... their hometown for their college life. people come across in the life including frien...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 238, Rule ID: ADVERB_WORD_ORDER[10]
Message: The adverb 'usually' is usually put between 'will' and 'share'.
Suggestion: will usually share
...ot enough for one to rent a studio. One usually will share a 2-room house with another 3-4 student...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 274, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: All the
... money and bring with more family time. All of the above could make the freshman much prep...
^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, but, first, however, if, may, so, still, i think, on the contrary

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 15.1003584229 53% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 2.0 11.0286738351 18% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 34.0 43.0788530466 79% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2082.0 1977.66487455 105% => OK
No of words: 403.0 407.700716846 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.16625310174 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48049772903 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.57543375307 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 212.727598566 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.51364764268 0.524837075471 98% => OK
syllable_count: 639.0 618.680645161 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 9.59856630824 21% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 38.7548184154 48.9658058833 79% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.6363636364 100.406767564 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.3181818182 20.6045352989 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.36363636364 5.45110844103 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.21989813366 0.236089414692 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0805619727139 0.076458572812 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0525770836828 0.0737576698707 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137408503188 0.150856017488 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0318826946419 0.0645574589148 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 11.7677419355 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 58.1214874552 92% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 10.9000537634 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.74 8.01818996416 97% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 86.8835125448 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.