For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
We are living in a highly developed society, and in order to survive this fast pace new environment people are learning new skills and knowledge to improve themselves and to compete with others. But some people might have the notion that relating well with others is more important than studying hard in school. Personally speaking, I agree with this idea and I will elaborate my reasons in this essay.
First of all, relating well to people means better teamwork. Today in many companies most of the projects can't be handled single handily, so managers usually assign work to a group of people. In such working environment although personally ability is still highly appreciated, it always the team comes first. And being able to relate well to the group members can help you with that. For example, I once formed a basketball team with my friends to compete in some matches in my high school. Although all of us didn't have the best skills in the school, but we were all good friends, so we won't blame our teammates when they made some mistakes. In other words, we have a harmony atmosphere among our group which was rarely found in other teams. And eventually we won the silver metal, which was a surprise considering our overall skills. I think it the ability that we can relate well to each other helped us win the games.
Secondly, the ability to relate well to people also helps you win over customers. There are lots of companies offering service business, which means if you get hired by one of them, you are expected to meet many customers very frequently, and if you are able to gain their trust and like, you will be highly appreciated by your boss. For example, my brother works at a car shop, and because of the specialty of his job, being able to relate well to customers is very important. Some customers might recommend some of their friends to buy cars from you just because they like you, which apparently help you to be successful in business. And what is interesting is that my brother didn't do well back in college, only getting average grades.
In a nutshell, relating well to people is more important than studying hard in school in term of success of future jobs because it brings you the better teamwork and customers' like.
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and in order to survive this fast pace new environment
and in order to survive in this fast pace and new environment
Although all of us didn't have the best skills in the school, but we were all good friends,
Description: don't put 'although' 'but' in one sentence.
flaws:
Need to compare and contrast. Though the ability to relate well to people is important as you told, why it is more important than studying hard in school that you didn't talk about.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 401 350
No. of Characters: 1814 1500
No. of Different Words: 200 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.475 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.524 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.349 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.278 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.64 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.493 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.178 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5