Playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them

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Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

Technology has greatly improved life quality in different ways for different people. For those who toil and moil in the business world, computer is a tool for efficiency and convenience. While for children, computer basically means games. Personally speaking, I think the playing computer games benefit the young players in different way and it shouldn't be banned.

The first reason why I am holding this view is that playing computer games is helpful to children's creativity development. In many games there are many problems that require problem solving skills to be overcome. And once kids solve those problems they get rewarded with virtual prizes which enhances their sense of achievement. For example, my younger brother loves playing computer games, such as escaping rooms or finding ways out of a maze. He keeps playing these games not only because they are interesting but also he can prove his smartness by beating these games. What's more, today's many games also feature beautiful music from excellent musicians or great story lines by famous writers. It is almost no difference between playing game masterpiece and watching a good movie, except the fact that you can play the characters in games.

Second, playing computer games is a great way of teaching children to be self-disciplinary. Playing games for a proper amount of time periodically under the supervision of parents can help children form the habit of stopping personal enjoyment when they need to study or work. Many people connect playing games with poor self-disciplinary people, thinking it is games addicting that makes those people not able to control the time they play games. However, that's not the case. In fact, it is because those people are not self-disciplinary in the beginning when they start to play games.

In a nutshell, playing computer games benefits children in several ways such as developing creativity or forming good habits. And it shouldn't be banned.

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I think the playing computer games benefit the young players
I think playing computer games benefits young players

with virtual prizes which enhances their sense of achievement.
with virtual prizes which enhance their sense of achievement.

not only because they are interesting but also he can prove his smartness
Description: 'Not only...but also' is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?

flaws:
No. of Words: 318 350 //You may put one more paragraph

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 318 350
No. of Characters: 1605 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.223 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.047 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.716 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.782 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5