TOEFL Test 1 Writing 2
Which of the following measures would make a city safer?
①Hiring more police officers and getting them properly trained to serve the public
②Increasing the number of rehab facilities to help people quit using illegal drugs
③Improving educational facilities to prevent children from dropping out of school
The three most effective ways to make a city safer for people are enforcing police power, increasing rehab facility facilities and increasing schools to prevent dropouts. Among the three ways, I think the last one will be the best for the city.
Firstly, enriching the student’s knowledge can allow them to protect themselves in the future. By going to school, students not only will learn professional knowledge, but also will learn what’s right and wrong. By doing this, once these students steps into the society, they will be a well-educated people. This can help them defend themselves through most attacks because the citizens will know how to respond to them. And as long as the people are good, the city is good.
Secondly, it will eliminate the problem by it’s source. Face the fact, most cities aren’t safe, not because of outside factors, but the corruption in the city. In the 21st century, terrorists attack and other sort of invasion aren’t very common. What really matters is the small problems such as stealing in the city. By educating more people, we can at least make sure the next generation won’t do these kind of things. Most schools will also open classes about special cases, such as ‘what to do when facing drugs’ which and reinsure the safety.
Some people might say that just stop students from dropping out of school isn’t enough and might not work in a short amount of time. However, the other two ways also has their flaw. The most obvious thing is that the source of the danger is not gone. Arresting some criminals and some dragster isn’t enough. In some ways, school is also a place to prevent the dropouts from causing troubles in the society. Also, comparing the three, reconstructing schools seems to cost the less. Saving money is also important for reconstruction after a big disaster.
All in all, improving the school to have less dropouts seems to be the best choice because it can provide people knowledge how to defend themselves and stop future crimes. The students are often referred as the way of the future, I believe so and letting more people get educated will be a good choice.
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| 2022-07-16 | ayumiyazaki | 70 | view |
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 44, Rule ID: IT_IS[16]
Message: Did you mean 'its' (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
Suggestion: its
...ondly, it will eliminate the problem by it’s source. Face the fact, most cities aren...
^^^^
Line 3, column 399, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this kind' or 'these kinds'?
Suggestion: this kind; these kinds
... make sure the next generation won’t do these kind of things. Most schools will also open ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 42, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun dropouts is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...ll in all, improving the school to have less dropouts seems to be the best choice be...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, really, second, secondly, so, well, at least, i think, kind of, sort of, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 15.1003584229 86% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 9.8082437276 143% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 11.0286738351 36% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 43.0788530466 46% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 52.1666666667 77% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1786.0 1977.66487455 90% => OK
No of words: 368.0 407.700716846 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.85326086957 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37987740619 4.48103885553 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.42320617496 2.67179642975 91% => OK
Unique words: 210.0 212.727598566 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.570652173913 0.524837075471 109% => OK
syllable_count: 522.0 618.680645161 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 9.59856630824 63% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.51792114695 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 34.3996924837 48.9658058833 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 81.1818181818 100.406767564 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.7272727273 20.6045352989 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.27272727273 5.45110844103 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 11.8709677419 76% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 3.85842293907 259% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.113575460725 0.236089414692 48% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0296879649123 0.076458572812 39% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.05099027576 0.0737576698707 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0720882457869 0.150856017488 48% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0528343775209 0.0645574589148 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.8 11.7677419355 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 72.16 58.1214874552 124% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.2 10.1575268817 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.55 10.9000537634 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.56 8.01818996416 94% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 86.8835125448 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.