It is generally believed that every single action, in order to be enhanced in the future, requires a specific reward by the others. Many parents assume that money can be a powerful incentive for their children to make them perform better at their studies in the future. However, I disagree with this idea and I firmly believe that parents need to let their children to adapt to different conditions, especially in their studies; wether that be acquiring a good mark or a bad mark. In this essay, I will discuss two main reasons that support this point of view that parents should not offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school.
As the first point to mention, giving money to children because of their high grades can make them forget about the real reason they are studying for. This condition may cause children to ignore the main purpose of studying which is the concept of "knowing more" and turning it to something called "wanting more". This phenomenon is also approved among the researchers of reinforcement learning filed. They have found evidence of such behavior in both humans and animals. The results show that the more an animal or human is awarded as a result of doing a task, the more it/he tends to look for the award rather than the actual task itself. This is an obvious issue that cannot be ignored in the relationships between parents and their school-aged children.
As the second point to mention, most of the times parents say to their children: "If you don't study, you are not going to get this money." This is a common argument between parents and children. Although this situation may look good at first and shows the actual control of parents on their children, but in some cases, especially when the children has a lot of money, cannot be served as a good incentive for the children to begin studying. As a result, the children end up not studying at all! For instance, when I was 12 years old, I had an argue with my friend that may me sad. Also, I had such an important exam next day that my father was asking me to study more and in that case, he is going to give me more money. However, I easily neglected him. At the end, he didn't have any reasonable option to make me feel more responsible about my next day's exam.
To put it in a nutshell, by offering money to the children, parents make them get used to that condition and it can be hard for them to adapt to new conditions such as sadness and other bad moods. Thus, it can be understood that talking to children to provide them a more vivid picture of their future, and that how studying and getting higher marks can improve that future, is a substantial action that is mostly misconcepted by the parents.
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- TPO-04 - Integrated Writing Task Endotherms are animals such as modern birds and mammals that keep their body temperatures constant. For instance, humans are endotherms and maintain an internal temperature of 37°C, no matter whether the environment is wa 70
- TPO-04 - Integrated Writing Task Endotherms are animals such as modern birds and mammals that keep their body temperatures constant. For instance, humans are endotherms and maintain an internal temperature of 37°C, no matter whether the environment is wa 70
- TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 73
- TPO-28 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 73
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 622, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ot offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school. ...
^^
Line 3, column 519, Rule ID: MORE_A_JJ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'a more animal'?
Suggestion: a more animal
... and animals. The results show that the more an animal or human is awarded as a result of doin...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 95, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...nts say to their children: 'If you dont study, you are not going to get this mo...
^^^^
Line 5, column 552, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...nstance, when I was 12 years old, I had an argue with my friend that may me sad. Also, I...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 781, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
... I easily neglected him. At the end, he didnt have any reasonable option to make me f...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, second, so, thus, for instance, such as, as a result, in some cases
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 70.0 43.0788530466 162% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 52.1666666667 119% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2274.0 1977.66487455 115% => OK
No of words: 492.0 407.700716846 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.62195121951 4.8611393121 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70967865282 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.50865051063 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 212.727598566 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.497967479675 0.524837075471 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 689.4 618.680645161 111% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 9.59856630824 156% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6003584229 87% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 20.1344086022 134% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 56.5257780154 48.9658058833 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.333333333 100.406767564 126% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.3333333333 20.6045352989 133% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.05555555556 5.45110844103 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.336181718425 0.236089414692 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.107164198939 0.076458572812 140% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.107031138122 0.0737576698707 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.214249792096 0.150856017488 142% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0924491942538 0.0645574589148 143% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 11.7677419355 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 60.99 58.1214874552 105% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.1575268817 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.81 10.9000537634 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.28 8.01818996416 103% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 86.8835125448 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.002688172 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.0537634409 127% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.