TPO 54 Writing Independent
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is critically important that people can participate in an activity they like outside their regular life. Personally, I believe government should not invest more on the arts than the sports. I feel this for two reasons which I will explain in the following essay.
To begin with, a lot sports are simple and easy to participate in, which will keep people healthy. If government does not support sport, people may overlook their health condition and thus have a bad body. In addition, doing exercise could assist people to have a clear mind which is also vital to the mental health. My personal experience is a compelling illustration. Around five years ago, my brother along with me would spend all days studying and not have any exercise. Because we did not have enough exercise and outdoor activity, we both became feeble compare to our peers. Luckily, there was a program funded by our government to encourage students to do all kinds of sports. Despite being unskilled, we gradually gained confidence in the field and and even won some matches . As a result, we become much healthier and developed a huge enthusiasm for sports.
Furthermore, investing on sport could also create job opportunities which are beneficial to our economy. As government puts more money into sports, more people will become interested in the athletic event and participate in some specific field. People may even find their business partner when engaging in some sports . For instance, I am an enthusiastic about volleyball, and I met a lot friends who share the same passion with me. Since we all know this sport, we started a volleyball specific website at school. As the website became progressively popular at our community, we started to put advertisement on the website and turned it into profit. Moreover, some of us even received lot job offers from local newspaper office. Surprisingly, one of them even turned out becoming a real sport journalist Based on this experience, I strongly believe that when sport are being invested, more work possibility will also increase.
In conclusion, I strongly feel that more endowment should be put into sport than art. This is because sport is good for people's well-being when participating, and could increase the employment possibility that will benefit the society.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
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Suggestion:
...ports. I feel this for two reasons which I will explain in the following essay. ...
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Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
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...ental health. My personal experience is an compelling illustration. Around five ye...
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...come much healthier and developed a huge enthusiasm for sports. Furthermore, ...
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... enthusiasm for sports. Furthermore, investment on sport could also create jo...
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Line 5, column 601, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...mmunity, we started to put advertisement on the website and made our first gold b...
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...l newspaper. Based on this experience, I strongly believe that sport could stimul...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, furthermore, if, look, may, moreover, so, thus, well, for instance, i feel, in addition, in conclusion, as a result, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 15.1003584229 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 9.8082437276 163% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 13.8261648746 65% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 43.0788530466 91% => OK
Preposition: 35.0 52.1666666667 67% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 8.0752688172 161% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1734.0 1977.66487455 88% => OK
No of words: 351.0 407.700716846 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.94017094017 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.32839392791 4.48103885553 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66212753184 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 200.0 212.727598566 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.569800569801 0.524837075471 109% => OK
syllable_count: 539.1 618.680645161 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 9.59856630824 156% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 20.1344086022 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 20.1326181618 48.9658058833 41% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 78.8181818182 100.406767564 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.9545454545 20.6045352989 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.5 5.45110844103 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.5376344086 108% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101267700063 0.236089414692 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0313603614469 0.076458572812 41% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.043764293682 0.0737576698707 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0692251094012 0.150856017488 46% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0147522216451 0.0645574589148 23% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.8 11.7677419355 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.71 58.1214874552 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.0 10.1575268817 79% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.08 10.9000537634 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.8 8.01818996416 97% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 86.8835125448 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 10.002688172 80% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.0537634409 80% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.