Job is really impotant thing that all of us need it , first to get money second to practise our career and last to let us do our personality and a lot of other reasons.Some people get a secure job, they take it right away others wait for a job that would be more satisfying. If it comes to me i will choose to take a secure job rather than waiting other job, for many reasons:
First, i'm always walk with this example one bird in my hand better than ten birds on the trees, so i think it so fits with this subject, so get secure job and live with repose better than i keep trying to find better, for example i graduated from dentistry college when i finished ,there was a private clinic asked me to work with them with good salary, at the same time there was a big hospital send me a letter that they need me in next three months with them and they will give me better salary, i didn't wait i took my decision that i should go with the private clinic because many thing may will change so i should choose the better ,in addition to that i didn't like to stay at home for many months.
Second, i think waiting a lot with no job is not good , may be some one have to pay a lot of payments for his home , his car , so he should choose which is available and then when he gets enough money and experiance he can do whatever he wants. For instance my friend hala , she is an engineer ,she was trying to find a job, and she wants money ,she accepted an offer to work at companey at their call center for 3 months ,when she got a good money and she could pay her expences , she got another offer at building company ,she accepted it and she was so happy because she had work at her field.
In conclusion, although there are a lot of an arguments of both sides of issue, but in my view get a secure job is better than waiting a job that would be more satisfying, for the reasons mentioned above.
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- TPO 18 Integrated 60
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- TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO4 70
Job is really impotant thing
Job is really an impotant thing
i'm always walk with this example
i'm always walking with this example
i always walk with this example
there was a big hospital send me a letter
there was a big hospital sending me a letter
Sentence: If it comes to me i will choose to take a secure job rather than waiting other job, for many reasons:
Description: The word i is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to i
Sentence: Job is really impotant thing that all of us need it , first to get money second to practise our career and last to let us do our personality and a lot of other reasons.Some people get a secure job, they take it right away others wait for a job that would be more satisfying.
Error: impotant Suggestion: important
Sentence: Second, i think waiting a lot with no job is not good , may be some one have to pay a lot of payments for his home , his car , so he should choose which is available and then when he gets enough money and experiance he can do whatever he wants.
Error: experiance Suggestion: experience
Sentence: For instance my friend hala , she is an engineer ,she was trying to find a job, and she wants money ,she accepted an offer to work at companey at their call center for 3 months ,when she got a good money and she could pay her expences , she got another offer at building company ,she accepted it and she was so happy because she had work at her field.
Error: expences Suggestion: expenses
Error: hala Suggestion: half
Error: companey Suggestion: company
flaws:
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence. Look:
when
she got a good money and
she could pay her expences ,
she got another offer at building company ,
she accepted it and
she was so happy because
she had work at her field.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 15 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 376 350
No. of Characters: 1474 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.403 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.92 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.022 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 81 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 42 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 10 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 53.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 22.995 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.488 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.788 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.255 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5